After my divorce I went b ack to school. There were times when I was so self focused, crying (I wanted the divorce, but actually going through it was tough) and stuff....and missed times when my kids (girls, 6 and 2 at the time) needed me to be really present. My oldest -- now 20 loves to remind me of it when she's mad at me. (I came here for another relationship.)
You're doing the right thing having fun with her. It eases her stress and makes her life better.
Influence what you can with your H in a gentle way. If you push hard, it may backfire...and you can't really control it that way.
He may be willing to see the wisdom in it.
"she confides in me about her visits with H even if I dont ask and I feel I cant tell her not to tell me bec then she will feel she cant tell me about her feelings."
That's perfect. Let her talk, and you shield yourself from expressing anything negative about dad and OW. Even though you would be justified, it will hurt her. OW will not likely be around for years...so just let her pass through.
"I want every one to know yes I am smoking like a fiend and have begun to cut down - but absolutely not around my D ..."
Gotta treat your body well, girlfriend. Gotta be around a long time for your sweet girl.
My D20, smokes 2 packs a day. Kills me. Can you imagine your little one smoking when she grows up.
Stop now.
You are a great momma. Your attitudes are right. Your decisions are good.
Hang in there, it will be ok.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
