Love, PAIN and the whole crazy thing!

[mcol]

Choc,

Here is the issue....YOU ARE RIGHT!

YES YES YES...I have such a dread of losing her and having to look my kids in the eyes and explain to them why I could not keep their mommy from leaving and why we are not together. This is more emasculating to me than anything else. I was raised in a family, as was W, where divorce was not an option. You work through your difficulties with sweat, tear and all the other stuff. RIght now I am not able to do that from here and I fu**ing hate it...I am enraged and depressed right now.

I got my a$$ chewed today because i was trying to get one of her friends to talk to her about what is going on. She feels that I backdoored her again and she told me I was fu**ing wrong for doing it.

She also told me that she felt like I was snooping because i was asking about her online friends. I was not trying to snoop but this was my way of trying to understand the new herand relate to some of the stuff she is going through. I guess I feel as though if I don't interact with her then it will give her freedom to file for D or take other action to put a bigger wedge between us.

I crashed hard this morning and have resolved to do the LRT as I honestly don't feel that there is any other way to show her how much I love her and how much she is screwing up a wonderful marriage that needs work.

I am going dark over the next few days and see what happens. However, this change will be almost seamless since I am over here and all she has to do is turn off her AOL to get rid of me. It is hard though as I have to engage her if there is a problem with the kids.

Ok...enough whining. Physical training has become a stable stress reliever and depression extractor.