I am new to this site and am looking for some advice. I think I may purchase the book as well but I'm not sure it can help. Maybe it can...maybe you can. Please take the time to read my story and provide any experience or feedback you can.
I am 29 and so is my wife. We have been married 5 years with our 6 year anniversary in two weeks. We have been together for 11 years since out of high school where we were friends before. We have two boys, 18 months old and 4 years old.
About a month ago now, my wife asked to speak to me. She told me she no longer loves me and wants a separation. This came out of the clear blue to me. I believed the relationship was very strong, even if we occasionally had disagreements/arguments. Everybody who knows us would always tell us they hope their relationships would turn out as strong as ours. We were always touching each other and showing emotions...the kids picked up on this of course and we've all shared many group hugs and kisses over the years.
So to say I was shocked would be an understatement. The real problem is that she says she's been trying to "fix" the problems and love me again on her own. However, she never sat down with me to tell me there were problems that she was working on. Unfortunately, she had the time to feel this way and I am now trying to deal with this....it's terrible. I lover her so deeply and am so lonely right now. She "tried", but I was never given the opportunity as she said she does not want to try...she doesn't want to be happy with me again.
Needless to say, she is refusing marriage counseling (although I'm going to counseling on my own now to deal with all these emotions) and it is killing me. The crux of the problem as far as I've been able to get out of her, is that she resents me for being the one who works in the family. Given the nature, when we had our first child and then our second, I was working through school and working full time. She had a job but was unhappy so she stayed home with the kids. Financially, it became a must to have her stay home. She became very unhappy doing this and now resents me for going on and being successful. I am able to make enough money now to support a family of 4 alone.
From my view, I worked very hard so we wouldn't wind up with nothing...I was terrified of having a family and not being able to provide many things I was never given the chance to have growing up.
But now, she's willing to go back to work on her own...settle for a low paying job and a 1 bedroom apartment...the kids will be with me of course because I can financially support them (well, daycare with my salary alone will be tough). It's so frustrating because if she had just sat down with me, she could have a job, be out of the house, and doing the things she wants. Instead she waited until her feelings are irrevocable, came to terms with ending the relationship, and then hit me with it out of the blue.
So, how (or can) can this be fixed? It seems her problems are so fixable, but her resentment towards me grows everyday she remains in the house because she can't get a job yet or get out. I have always been supportive, even to a fault, but this time I don't know how to fix this if she refuses counseling or any approach by me. Please HELP! I love my wife dearly and this situation is devastating every aspect of my life.
