Maybe I could help more if you can answer some things for me. It seems your H is pretty particular about how he likes his sex.
1. Have you read His Needs, Her Needs? What you will find is that physical touch is probably within the top 3 for H. If so, he is going to want sex his way for a while until he feels that love and wants to give EN to you. So for the time being, maybe doing it his way is the way to go.
2. I get the picture that your not fully attracted to him. Could you push that aside a bit and let him know that you are attracted to him, and would like to have a special night alone? Say that you will arrange for a sitter, get the kids to your sister's or something and make a night of it.
3. Keep in mind a guy's ego is larger then life, but it is made of glass. My W has been pretty open with my questions so far on the OM, she mentioned that most seemed to be sexual questions and she understood why. She did give reassurance about hmm, a few things, and that felt nice. So maybe you can stroke that ego a little. Take each chance you get, and tell him how manly he is. Remember we do things for results, and then like to get a medal for that success. Women want to be validated and build the relationship.
Why I'm saying these things, is I think if you swallow some of your ugh! I don't want him physically or what not, for a while, and pretend and give him what he wants, maybe he will start to respond to your needs. Just keep your eyes peeled for when he takes the smallest baby step and then pat him on the ego back for it. We are pretty dumb creatures when it comes to emotional intelligence, and I put on about the equivalent IQ of a dog, you have to lead around on the leash and train hard. Hope it helps.
