Thanks for the hug. Actually, I think that once I figure this out I won't even have to make up a bunch of rules for myself.
Absolutely.
Quote:
The strong lioness pretty much just goes out and gets what she wants. She's in charge of contracts but there is no need to make a contract with yourself if you trust your own judgment. If the lioness did abide by rules for sexuality they would be less along the arbitrary societal-enforced lines of "Don't have sex on the first date." and more along the lines of "Consider why you are having sex with a man if you wouldn't lend him $1000." or "Consider why you are having sex with a man if you wouldn't follow into a dark alley if he said it was safe."
I don't know... I don't know... yes and no, I think. I'm thinking on the motivations of females who no longer have the need to pair bond in order to reproduce, or even for 'protection.' The traditional motivations are no longer in play. For example, with me... I was getting upset with xBF because of his 'playing house' behaviors. NOP pointed out to me that men typically do not buy the cow when they are getting the milk for free.
But... I'm NOT in the market for a farmer, and I don't even want to play house... but my behaviors, I think from habit, were probably signaling that very thing. So once NOP pointed that out to me, and I figured out my own confusion, at least on these points, my decision/direction became ... not easier... just more self-evident.
So now... I'm thinking hard on... what AM I in the market for? I know I would like to be in another LTR, but I am not in a rush to get there. I know that I have to go through the dopey chemical phase, and a good 12 months beyond that to test basic character traits I find important. I'm interested not in how well I get on with someone, but how well we handle disagreements and money.
I'm interested in how we handle sex.
How I go about finding that, I've found, is a bit different than the traditional dating I did when I was young. What I am looking for in a man now is radically different than what I was seeking in my 20s.
I had to lose my fear of 'isolation.'
I also had to heal and regain my footing. Right now, it's like I'm meeting the 'Who I Am' that I have been defining and developing for the last 20plus years -- for the very first time.
In your case, I now understand why you are getting held up... so do you... in which case... I'd ask your lioness... how bad do you want to end this? When you know, you know... and that will become your focus and you will figure it out. Period. But just because you might NOT know doesn't mean you are broken. It just means you aren't ready. And that's okay.
But hurry up, would you? I need to discuss and mull over what 'drives' the older woman.
