I feel your pain Kimmie Lee trust me on this. Bad, bad timing. I am sorry and hope that things work out for you. The clock is ticking for me too and I'm pretty resigned to the fact that we will not be seeing each other this Christmas. I have sort of been preparing myself for this as best I can so that at least I will not be shocked when the day comes. It does not make things easier but at least I eliminate the surprise factor. For me, its now a matter of just getting thru the next 7 days. After that, the problems will still be there yet at least the holiday will be out of the way and New Years is no big deal- its just a big drunk is all. Been there, done that, no big deal. After that, I believe that things will become a little easier for people in the same situation as us and we can concentrate on helping ourselves and hopefully somewhere in 2008 our fortunes turn for the better. LOL! It can't get much worse!
Oh, and Jen1967, I did send a humor-related Christmas card to her work e-mail with just a Merry Christmas note. Thats all that I can muster right now. Its a pride thing with me and I felt weird just doing that.
Hey, I don't know about her, but I sure am proud of you. That's hard to let down the pride enough to risk being hurt again, just to let someone know you love them. I know you didn't say that in the card, but the fact you sent it....it's a nice gesture. Do you feel weird doing it because you don't think she wants it, or because you are afraid of rejection? Oh geez, look at me playing closet shrink, like I have a freakin' clue.
Me 41 H 47 D9 S3 M 16 yrs WAH Sep 07 PA Aug 07 12/07 Admitted A 1/08 C 1/15 H needs me 5/7/08 came home 7/08 We moved to MD 10/08 M bad again 11/24/08 fled to GA(OW),filed D 12/8/08 Back in MD 12/23/08 I countered 12/29/08 path back?
I'm proud of you too. Heck, I'm proud of all of us.
I just got finished decorating a small tree, and oddly enough, I feel a little better. My thinking is that if I try to resist Christmas, it'll just hurt more. So, I've surrendered to the holiday season and decorated a little bit.
But, I draw the line at baking any cookies. Humbug!!
I haven't brought myself to do the cookies yet, but I will. I love making cookies and I will force myself to do it. Just to show how much FUN I AM (PAINED FAKE SMILE). HA HA HA.
Me 41 H 47 D9 S3 M 16 yrs WAH Sep 07 PA Aug 07 12/07 Admitted A 1/08 C 1/15 H needs me 5/7/08 came home 7/08 We moved to MD 10/08 M bad again 11/24/08 fled to GA(OW),filed D 12/8/08 Back in MD 12/23/08 I countered 12/29/08 path back?
OK, I will be honest: Afraid of the rejection. There. I admitted it. You guys have been great to me and I REALLY appreciate this. I still feel like crap, yet a little less and even more after Christmas. H: $-spending alien??? Hmmmm. He should meet my wife. LOL!!! Still love her though and she used to be soooo nice and 'lovie': Thats her word- I swear. Thats nice that you put up a tree. I'm glad for you- really. I don't feel as isolated even though I have friends. Thing is, most of them are cynics and/or have their own drama going on. Geeez. I'm 45 and I do believe that this is by far THE toughest year that I have ever been through. And: one of my friends recently said this: "Don't worry. Just when you think you've hit the bottom, you will find out that there is a whole new level under that. Smart ass. He's one of my cynical friends yet also a very good friend. This is all insane. I don't understand why husbands and wives do this
Last night my H actually talked to me for a long time. Told me he hadn't felt loved by me. Said I didn't make myself vulnerable enough. I guess I have my protective armor on too often. So I'm trying to show my vulnerability more and allow myself to get hurt. I'm giving first and not demanding things. That's why I'm telling you maybe it's ok to open up with the risk of getting hurt. Someone's gotta take the armor off first, and it's not gonna be your W. I still think it's great you did that. Shows kahunas. Don't let yourself become hardened to it. Like the Dalai Lama says, love with an open heart. The way I look at it is this: God will reward you for it in some way.
Now I'm getting too deep. It makes me feel silly.
Me 41 H 47 D9 S3 M 16 yrs WAH Sep 07 PA Aug 07 12/07 Admitted A 1/08 C 1/15 H needs me 5/7/08 came home 7/08 We moved to MD 10/08 M bad again 11/24/08 fled to GA(OW),filed D 12/8/08 Back in MD 12/23/08 I countered 12/29/08 path back?
Not that we should endure endless emotional abuse, but I do think they need to get their anger out as to why they left and what's bothering them about us. So I try to think of turning the other cheek when rejected. Also that movie that says, "Thank you Sir, may I have another?" HAHA
Me 41 H 47 D9 S3 M 16 yrs WAH Sep 07 PA Aug 07 12/07 Admitted A 1/08 C 1/15 H needs me 5/7/08 came home 7/08 We moved to MD 10/08 M bad again 11/24/08 fled to GA(OW),filed D 12/8/08 Back in MD 12/23/08 I countered 12/29/08 path back?
