Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning pt 2

[sgctxok]

As i was saying about talking to mil this am, she told me she could not tell me, i told her i understood, but i have known for a long time. I just asked her and i know everyone is going to flip on me for saying this, if he does talk to her about us, i just want her to say to him, give her a chance, she does truly love you and really wants to work this out.

These conversations with your MIL are not working for you and may be working against you. And if she says something to him, it may work against you by putting more pressure on him. You really don't want this. If you can keep your conversations with her off of the topic of him...you will be better off.

He needs to go and miss me, I know not to expect a miracle upon his return, but maybe we can start moving into the right direction like going to couples councling,

B e careful not to expect too much too soon. You may get so small of a baby step that you don't notice it. But you will get it. Couples counseling is not likely to help unless you have an SBT therapist...so don't push for this. The wrong counselor can push you in the wrong direction.


and more communication is a must.

Not more relationship communication. More fun. More doing stuff together. Not more 'talking'. And it is waaaaaay to soon. If you try to push for talking when he comes back it will most likely be a mistake.




[b] I'm being selfish i hope he does not miss her or contact her. But i know he will, like you say i'm sure he will miss both of us. But i want him to miss me more.

The truth is he is most likely to just feel relieved to be away from everything and from both of you. She probably puts some pressure on him, you both add guilt to him. If he is able to have fun without the folks down there grilling him...it will be the best thing for him, even if that isn't what you want for him.

As far a communications i am to do my best and not really contact him, i want him to contact me.

You can not contact him. And it's essential that you don't. It's called REAL GIVING. It is the best thing for him and you. And it's a good idea if you don't answer each time he calls you. Without explanation. Be vague and be UPBEAT.

I want to read the divorce busting book again, i started it a few wks ago for a second read thru, but did not finish. This is what i want to do this week. I also bought the new joel osteen book at costco, and i want to start reading that.

These are great ideas. You need this break too. In fact...this is your chance to get a SECOND FIRST IMPRESSION. WORK IT.






If i don't hear from him by the end of the day, i will contact him via text.

Don't do it.

I don't know if he is willing to work on us when he returns.

He may not. Don't ask him. It doesn't matter. Just DB.