Did she take him back? Did she tit for tat him w/ the OM? Did they decide to work on this? Any chance his current unattractive behavior has her looking for justifications to get away from him? Is he abusive? Is he an addict? Is she part of the problem? Did she work on her part that caused him to want to get away?
But it was he who first broke that most fundamental of all promises. First? Really? How do you know he didnt want to get away becasue she wasnt respecting him and caring from him how he wanted? But HE should 'MAN UP'. Right? we could do the chicken and egg thing all day long. thats not going to get anyone anywhere.
The attraction thing isn't the core problem imo, it's that LFL has a mended tear in the fabric of her marriage, and isn't sure the thread won't unravel on her again.
I completely unequivocally disagree wholeheartedly. She knows he isnt going anywhere again. She is icked out by him. Its all about the attraction.
I didn't see this post the first time around because you posted it while I was writing mine.
Imagine you're a young girl, getting married for the first time. For you, marriage is like making a hearth inside a ring of fire. The fire gives warmth and keeps out the wild things in the dark woods, but it also keeps you inside because it is too hot to step over. You ramble along, add a few kids to the hearth, and are, while not deliriously happy, quite content.
One night, out of the blue, you see that your husband has packed his bags. You are confused, asked him what he is doing. He says "I don't like living inside the ring with you anymore. I'm going to go be on my own in the dark woods. Do what you like, and if the beasties come to eat you don't call me." He then easily walks through the fire (it didn't burn at all, you realize) and disappears.
After a period of shock you realize you can't stay alone inside the ring, so you gather up the kids, walk through the fire yourself (no, doesn't burn) and go off to make a new home for yourself in the woods. It's not easy, but it is also strange and new and exciting.
After some time has passed, your husband approaches you and says "I don't like living alone in the dark woods after all. Let's go back into the ring and live there again". You agree, mainly because you think kids belong inside a ring of fire, even if the fire doesn't burn. You try to act like you did when you first settled down there, but it's not quite the same. You now know it doesn't burn to step over it. He showed you. There are the wild woods, beckoning. You don't really know why he left in the first place. You try to talk yourself into believing in the warmth, the safety of fire again, but you now know it was an illusion, and you're too pragmatic a girl. You look at the kids. You pace around in your imaginary circle. And in the end, you stay.
If you don't get the significance of that first step over the fire (it doesn't burn) then you're missing something fundamental. in my most humble opinion. Something that has nothing to do with attraction.
