GGG- What it means to me.

[MJontheMend]

Okay, I opened up my internet profiles and once again I have way too many hits. I need to figure out a way to deal with this that is sensible. I feel like Lucy working that job at the candy factory. How do I decide between the guy who describes himself as "a kind man with a bad boy past" or the guy who started his e-mail to me with "It would be very nice to meet someone as fascinating as you." or the really buff looking guy who describes himself as a "true European gentleman" etc. etc.etc. Then how do I keep myself from getting all dopamine drunk and having sex and/or starting a relationship with which ever one I do choose to date? Why am I dating? I am too broke to be dating. I should just stay home and work and save money by not getting my hair done. Right?

[Corri]

Mo:

You're spot on in terms of the cow and the lioness but you gotta remember that my bunny and my monkey were actually in far worse shape when I was married.

I don't think your bunny and your monkey wants/needs are any different now than they were with 2bx. I think it may be that the absence of what BUNKY wants/needs is more profound to you because you aren't so busy 'protecting' yourself and surviving PAL. I mean, at least your 2bx kept the lioness and cow busy, if nothing else.

Also, I don't think that the men that I've dated have been any more "insincere" than me. I think that they've all given me pretty much exactly what I've managed to communicate that I want.

It doesn't matter... girls aren't built like guys, so ya gotta get rid of that.

It's not their fault that I am totally confused about what I want and therefore put out mixed signals and mushy boundaries.

There isn't ONE THING in the animal kingdom, not ONE THING in nature I'd ever consider FAIR. As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure who came up with the concept of FAIR... you want what you want, Mo...

Okay, I opened up my internet profiles and once again I have way too many hits. I need to figure out a way to deal with this that is sensible.

My mother makes folders for each guy. Some are 'active' folders, some are put to the side, labeled 'inactive.' When an active folder man moves into the circular file, she moves an inactive folder man to the active folder pile. She never has more than 4 men on 'active' status.

Then how do I keep myself from getting all dopamine drunk and having sex and/or starting a relationship with which ever one I do choose to date?

Limit yourself to three dates with each guy, and don't have sex with any of them. If you are interested in a guy beyond date 5... then make your intentions known.

Why am I dating?

Cuz I don't live near you for us to go out with each other. And I hope you know what I mean by that... not 'date' each other... just hang out and do girl stuff, cuz we're both single.

I am too broke to be dating. I should just stay home and work and save money by not getting my hair done. Right?

I think you are too Still Married to be dating seriously, that's for sure. What is up with the D? I personally think that is what you need to concentrate on... CLOSURE. Right now, you are firmly entrenched in LIMBO, and your 2bx is still too 'active' in your psyche for no other reason than you are still legally linked.

Seems to me anyway... let me know what you think.

[Corri]

Mo:

Oh... and if you were going to write a profile for me... what would it say? Every effort I've made so far sounds so flippin' philosophical or businessy... I mean... jeese...

[blackfoot]

Thank you for your post mojo.
I decided to put this here.
My cow sees them all as boys, some are just more naughty than others(sigh) and it kills me to have to give up and take them back to the pound but I have learned that I don't do anybody any good if I don't care for my own bunny.)

I understand. My wolf sees them all as bunnies. All.
The female I am spending time w/ now, has been a dancer, a prostitute, and is currently in corporate sales. Her dad taught her about the birds and bee's, by making her watch him have druken sex w/ his then girlfriend when she was 13.
Im informing you of this because there are very few who would see any bunny at all in her. Its ALL I see.

LFL should act more "strong bunny" in relation to her H, then I agree AND that is why I was trying to communicate that you taking on the role of semi-dysfunctional top for her H and smacking her down to "weak bunny" with your post was NOT helpful.
I didnt smack her down to weak bunny. Thats putting way to much responsibility on me, and none on here for her actions/reactions.

I dont see what was dysfunctional about my first post. Ive reread it several times and dont see any disrespect.
Im sure my tone wasnt soft flowery or touchy feely. Im really busy, and that causes me to be even more abrupt.
LFL choose to respond with 'weak bunny' probably because Im sure it has been very effective for her for a very long time, in getting men to back off and start placating. Probably worked on her dad.

Women are very good at making you feel bad for 'hurting their feelings'. Its MANIPULATION.
Dont fall for it.
Her feelings are VERY resiliant. I recommend you test out how resiliant they are. If her crying controls you, your done. If her anger controls you, your done.

Im not responsible for how she responds to me.
I am responsible for adjusting myself if I get a response I dont like. Thats the definition of a 180.
She responded with weak bunny and it gave me the opportunity to respond again. It also informed me of some things. You just have to pay attention and use some discernment, instead of reacting and thinking about yourself.


However, me telling LFL to "woman up" will not communicate that either. RHW thought it was appropriate to say to the new guy here who is going thru an A. I didnt see any men tell him to go get what he needs somewhere else or move on of dump that B!tch, or anything like that. I see women do it A L L THE T I M E.

What if I told you that you should allow yourself to be more vulnerable and act more "strong puppy dog" in relation to women?
Lets say, I believe you. what will that get me?


I think thats just a ruse to get a man to show some softness, so you can kick the puppy and see if its wolf inside (reassuring) or if its really puppy. (icky) But I am willing to listen and ponder.

I killed my puppy in order to be able to accomplish what I did during the first seperation. I put him in barrel of water and held him under till he stopped wiggling, then I slowly chopped him up into small pieces with a paring knife, and fed him to the swine. Then I snapped my wolf to heal and set the stallion to get x back. If she slipped for a second the wolf would growl.
Would you take my advice?
I no longer know how, even if I believed it would be a good idea. If she wants to see puppy or monkey, she can watch me play with my nephews.

Would another guy telling you to "man up" be helpful in that regard? I told myself. I did man up. I look to no one for no thing. That is attractive to a woman. A puppy that needs to be trained out of his ....mmmm lets say sexual insecurity.... in not a panty twister.
So I 'man up' and I dont care about any one woman enough to get angry at her.
I know she is not going to care enough about me, if I enter the cave or step in a trap, or break a leg in a gopher hole whilst running across the plains. Heck she has been told and taught that is perfectly acceptable.
So while I dont care about Relational Equality, I WILL enforce Relational Equivalency, since I have no power over its antagonist.

just because Women love searching for the puppy doesnt mean they really want to find it. I give them what they need, and I get what I want. Seems fair to me.

I slipped when my wolf slipped the leash and got ahold of x in anger. Look what my mistake got me.
I have no desire to appear vulnerable to a woman in my life. It gets no reward that I can feel or justifies the cost. I dont rail against it, I accept it.

Mojo, Before I was married I had all these monkey games that I used to LOVE to play.
I loved meeting and playing and having fun and learning about the woman. Man they were fun. Jabber jabber jabber, tickle poke play. I did it because it was fun for both of us but mostly because it was fun for me. Now... knowing what I know... the monkey is just an excuse to get the bunny petted. I dont pet the bunny. Not my job. It would be very unfair of me to reassure the bunny that the wolf will not eat her when he gets hungry. It would be very unfair of me to suggest to the monkey that the wolf wont snap off her arm when the hair pulling and jabbering get painful. I may wish I wasnt that way, but that is what I did.

When you did your inner child thread I sent out a pic of young tarzan to some people to see if they agreed that was my inner child. My mom sent back a picture of xmen's Iceman and said 'No. this is your inner child.'

LOL.

oh... when you respondedc crankily to me in the post where you said CLUE IN, that was a woman. much more attractive then a weak bunny. I liked it. I may or may not agree with what you said, but I can respect it.

I believe that you would like to see more puppy from me, because its always the dichotomy that gets womens interest (peoples?)

ex. the year my coworker and I dressed like super sexy women and wore makeup for halloween and ended up having to manhandle ruffians in tight skirts and losing our spaghetti stap tops in the process... Ive never been sexually attacked that. ever.

ex 2. of dichotomies.
act like you trust them, joke that you dont.
Act like you dont trust them, say you do.

acting like you dont, and saying you dont..... even if its the truth...not so effective....
acting like you do and saying you do.... makes LFL (and all the rest of them) not so happy. The logical and feminist part probably appreciates it, but I guarantee the female and biological part Does not.
Personally if I cant tell the truth, and say how I feel in a R, and get some reciprocity, well, I lose my interest real quick.

I dont think LFL has a problem with 'girling up', and fixing her hair/nails/shopping. I think LFL needs to be a woman in charge of herself, and find what/why/when she respects her H, and let him KNOW. It gets very tiring chasing toddlers with scisors/drinking glasses.(not to mention dangerous for the toddler, they always fall as soon as you chase them).
I just pick up a (nerf) football and bean em in the head and knock em into the pool. [insert gasps of indignation here] And I am totally- completely -actual life done that -serious.

Its better then taking them to the ER with lacerations and puntured thoracic cavities.

[Corri]

BF:

I dont see what was dysfunctional about my first post. Ive reread it several times and dont see any disrespect.

Here's what I see. Quote I:

Im not responsible for how she responds to me.
I am responsible for adjusting myself if I get a response I dont like.

K. I get that. It sounds to me like you are stating a truth... at least YOUR truth.

Yet you say, Quote II:

I dont think LFL has a problem with 'girling up', and fixing her hair/nails/shopping. I think LFL needs to be a woman in charge of herself, and find what/why/when she respects her H, and let him KNOW. It gets very tiring chasing toddlers with scisors/drinking glasses.(not to mention dangerous for the toddler, they always fall as soon as you chase them).
I just pick up a (nerf) football and bean em in the head and knock em into the pool. [insert gasps of indignation here] And I am totally- completely -actual life done that -serious.

Its better then taking them to the ER with lacerations and puntured thoracic cavities.

Here is the disrespect I see. You aren't responsible for dictating how LFL NEEDS to act. You aren't responsible IF LFL chooses to run with scissors near a pool, nor nailing her with a nerf football so she doesn't hurt herself. (And why you think she is doing so in unawareness, just as a toddler does, and even comparing her as such, is simply beyond me).

Quote II is nowhere consistent with your Quote I above.

So... to me... it sounds like you are saying that no one should judge you or fault you or take exception to your remarks, and if they do... that's not your problem. (And I see truth in that, quote I).

Yet... you judge, take exception AND responsibility for others when they are not acting in what you consider to be their own best interests, as illustrated by your toddler/nerf football snippet in Quote II above.

Hypocritical? I dunno. That's just what I'm seeing. Doesn't mean I am correct.

[MJontheMend]

My mother makes folders for each guy. Some are 'active' folders, some are put to the side, labeled 'inactive.' When an active folder man moves into the circular file, she moves an inactive folder man to the active folder pile. She never has more than 4 men on 'active' status.

How does she put or keep a guy in 'inactive' status?

Limit yourself to three dates with each guy, and don't have sex with any of them. If you are interested in a guy beyond date 5... then make your intentions known.

I don't think you got the gist of my question. I'm perfectly capable of making up "rules" for myself. I am asking how I can avoid breaking them. Like, one idea I had was that I won't shave my legs. Sort of a vanity chastity belt.

Cuz I don't live near you for us to go out with each other. \:\) And I hope you know what I mean by that... not 'date' each other... just hang out and do girl stuff, cuz we're both single.

Or we could just go ahead and make that girl-on-girl DVD and auction it off to the highest bidder on the BB. Of course, the sure sign of a broke-weak-*ss lioness is when you do something that signals "no pride" - lol

I think you are too Still Married to be dating seriously, that's for sure. What is up with the D? I personally think that is what you need to concentrate on... CLOSURE. Right now, you are firmly entrenched in LIMBO, and your 2bx is still too 'active' in your psyche for no other reason than you are still legally linked.

My failure to achieve closure with my divorce is closely linked to my current weak lioness financial situation. It all has something to do with repressed anger causing a shortage of whatever positive emotion lies in the lioness quadrant.

[MJontheMend]

Oh... and if you were going to write a profile for me... what would it say? Every effort I've made so far sounds so flippin' philosophical or businessy... I mean... jeese...

Something like "Cute as a button? Maybe so... but..I wouldn't push it if I were you...unless you like that sort of thing. Do you?"

[Corri]

Mo:

I don't think you got the gist of my question. I'm perfectly capable of making up "rules" for myself. I am asking how I can avoid breaking them. Like, one idea I had was that I won't shave my legs. Sort of a vanity chastity belt.

Discipline. How seriously are you taking yourself? Cuz the simple answer is, you decide how much you want a 'thing' (in this instance, I don't want to break my own rules) and then you hold yourself accountable for your actions.

No one and nothing else can do that for you... ??????

My failure to achieve closure with my divorce is closely linked to my current weak lioness financial situation. It all has something to do with repressed anger causing a shortage of whatever positive emotion lies in the lioness quadrant.

Wow. This seems to me to be the 'hippopotamus in room,' then. Once you figure this out, I don't think you'll ever have to worry again about breaking your own rules.

{{{{ HUG }}}}}

[blackfoot]

Im not responsible for how she responds to me.
I am responsible for adjusting myself if I get a response I dont like.

K. I get that. It sounds to me like you are stating a truth... at least YOUR truth.

No this is not my Truth. That is the Truth we have been taught by Schnarch, DB, DR, Etc.
do you differ?

I used to take responsibility for many many actions that were not mine to own, because I expected myself to be.. faster, impervious, stronger, more observant, blah blah blah. Ive been rewarded many ways for doing just that in OP perspective.

Now I just accept that I am human.

You aren't responsible for dictating how LFL NEEDS to act.

you are absolutely correct. If LFL doesnt want to hear from me on what I think will work for her R, she can say so. I dont need to argue with you about how my post to her made you feel.

You aren't responsible IF LFL chooses to run with scissors near a pool, nor nailing her with a nerf football so she doesn't hurt herself. (And why you think she is doing so in unawareness, just as a toddler does, and even comparing her as such, is simply beyond me).

This was not my analogy. This was an analogy offered and accepted by her. My advice was actually stop acting like a toddler.

IRL, If a grown up runs near the pool with scissors, Im just going to watch, and if they hurt themself call someone to deal w/it.
I used to get in there and help/fix, but its not worth the risk of BBP to me anymore. x also criticized me for helping people broke down on the side of the road/in MC wrecks/car wrecks/out of gas/stuck in mud/ FITB. I understand. its not a demonstration of self protective wellbeing.

Yet... you judge, take exception AND responsibility for others when they are not acting in what you consider to be their own best interests, as illustrated by your toddler/nerf football snippet in Quote II above.

If the woman LFL doesnt wish to take my advice, its not going to affect me. there is no responsiblity there. I consider her a friend, so I speak my opinion.

In the case of the toddler, I do make a judgement. listeing to the toddler cry after I fish them out of the pool, unhurt, unscathed, but upset, or not doing what is in my power to prevent what could be serious injury.

I spoke like a man. She responded like a weak bunny. These are not my judgements, these are the observations of her fellow females.

Want to keep going?
I do appreciate it.

[Corri]

LFL choose to respond with 'weak bunny' probably because Im sure it has been very effective for her for a very long time, in getting men to back off and start placating. Probably worked on her dad.

In the same way that you roar at the top of your written voice?

Women are very good at making you feel bad for 'hurting their feelings'.

Men are really good at throwing zingers that hurt feelings, too.

Its MANIPULATION.

Yep. Sure is.

Her feelings are VERY resiliant.

So are his.

I recommend you test out how resiliant they are.

So do I.

If her crying controls you, your done. If her anger controls you, your done.

Same with his petulant, angry, intimidation tactics. And if HIS anger controls you, your done.

Whew. Glad we got that cleared up.