Starting to get it...

[ann25]

I like to think that I'm not a lunatic in real life.... My mom tells me that I'm special though... hehe, j/k

I feel like i messed up big, really big. No doubt that he did to, but I can't do anything about that. I just have to try and help him work through what he's going through right now. Maybe later he'll see what's going on and help me out a little.

Not sure what's with the lights. I like the lights on. Once in a blue moon i can get him to leave them on, but that's rare. He wouldn't give me a reason, just prefers them off. I think that is his issue with the mornings. I put up blackout curtains though and that didn't help, so who knows??

I suppose it could be a little, but the month before i was pregnant I didn't want it either and my first 2 pregnancies actually made me slightly more HD than i normally am. I think that It's not as much a lack of desire in general as it is a lack of desire for him. Yes, i know how bad that sounds.
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some thinking/journaling/possible TMI... hehe
I'm just not attracted to him, that doesn't mean if i see a good looking guy that I'm not "appreciating the view" as a friend of mine like to call it. I waited for sex until we were engaged (3years) cause I don't see having sex with someone you aren't in love with, but being attracted to someone and acting on it are 2 totally different things. It's like when he would go to a strip club. People asked me how i could be okay with it. He can't help his physical reaction to a beautiful woman any more than i can help how I react to certain men, but so long as he comes home to me and focuses that reaction on me, then who cares. People watch porn together. same difference.

I think that's a big part of my problem now. I don't feel "in love" so i don't have that desire for him. If there was a strong physical attraction that'd be different, but my attraction to him was pretty much based on my feelings towards him and came with time. It was based on love not lust.