I haven't read this thread, but only the first post. Here is a question my C asked about XH once when I was complaining about our sexless M:
"What are his fantasies? What does he masturbate to?"
I had no idea, nor did I give it much thought.
My guess now is that he gets off on being taken (thereby absolving him of responsibility for sin) and at the same time being called a bad little boy.
But, when C asked, I didn't even have a guess. Who knows if my current guess is correct... It made sense years ago when I was consumed with thinking about XH right after the bomb. I certainly don't care what gets his rocks off. But my point is that I SHOULD have cared when C asked. I SHOULD have had a clue.
Not to say I SHOULD have tried to realize his fantasies for him. If I'm correct about what they are, they'd be a huge turn-off for me. No problem with kink, it is simply not my kink. No thank you. So, if I had had a clue, the M probably would have ended sooner. I wouldn't have bought sex book after sex book in a futile effort to end the platonic aspect of that R.
But there was NO WAY we could have ever made progress on the sex issue when we both had no clue about each other's authentic sexuality.
So, ask yourself: What makes H hard? What makes him yearn to be alone so he can jack-off because he is so horny?
H probably isn't asexual. You probably just aren't part of his sexual world. (Yuck.)
If you really want to save your M, try to find his authentic sexuality, probably through trial and error, and then see if it is something that works for you.
