Am I gettin this right, sounds like your trying to have sex with H, and H wants sex with you, but we end up in these awckward conversations in the dark with "Uh, Um, but you first..." Is that what I'm reading?
If so, for me this is what I call the page issue. Your both in the same book, you just need to get on the same page. If you can handle the worst, him walking away when you try this. Why don't you tonight, say your going to bed, ask him to come in about 20 minutes, put on something nice. When he comes in no talking, just tackeling. What is the worst, he pushes you off and says he isn't in the mood.
Hope I'm not missing some part of the story here. This seems a little too obvious for me, so I probably am missing something.
