I think you could take a page from Husband's book. He has been the tortoise, moving so slowly toward his wife that she barely notices he's getting closer. But he has changed the tone of the house from one of hostility to a friendlier, happier place. I think you could do that too. You wife won't do it. You will have to be the magnanimous one at your house. But then, you have been for a long time.
