I wonder when/if I'll ever feel really safe in my M again.
You will, it will just take lots of will to let go of the "what ifs", in time you will learn to say "ok, so if he is cheating again this is it, he goes, I only loose a liar and I can be happy on my own". Knowing that you will be ok if he leaves will help you stop freeting, I know my H's life would be a mess if we were to divorce, he'd have bigger internal issues in his hands, I, on the other hand, will have the peace and knowledge that I gave it my all and that I can be happy with my kids--of course I'd be sad and it'd be hard, but I won't be a wreck, I'd have no regrets.
I can see the shadow of the ow still weights heavily on you, I still think of the ow too, everyday, but without anger or for long periods of time, I am blessed that those times are far and appart. Master the art of shortening the time you think of her, force yourself to think something else, don't say her name, dont' give her power. If I ever have to refer to the A time frame with my H I say "during all that mess" or "when we had that problem", devoid her of a personality, she, "it" will loose power over you.
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I asked him if he's making progress with his C. He said he doesn't know. He said that he does like giong to her and likes talking to her...
I learned a few things that irritate H that I've been doing. Minor things, but at least something I can be aware of.
HA! my H is teh same, I think quite a few sessions are useless, but the big picture is that they are doing something about it, trying to address something they know isn't right. It is awesome that he is able to voice what is bothering him, I see that as a very good sign, I have asked my H to do the same but he is unable to do so, dont' know exactly why, so I see that as a positive in your sitch.
Ah, the R talks, how men hate them, my H and I haven't gone to C in ages, we barely have an R talk, so it is good that at least your H agrees to have them, giving them a short time (20min) is the best. I think you are doing great,
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
