Please help--Need advice!!!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Or work on a change in yours.
This here MLC is a life lesson, and life lessons suck, and they work because they suck, because they hurt. A life lesson is a lesson that changes your life.

Many Lessons here, one of them is you can only control yourself.

[Patrick325]

I went through the MLC board and decided not to ignore her. Now I have another question. I just talked to her on the phone and we were talking about Christmas gift buying and she mentioned she didn't want me to get anything for her. A week ago I told her I was going to buy something for her. Should I skip buying something since she said that?? I still have to help the kids get her something..so maybe I'll just do that?!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Presents from young children are almost always bought by the other parent in my experience, right?

[Patrick325]

yeah, but she said she is buying one for me from the kids too.....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

: )

What I meant Patrick, is you will already be buying her a present, its just the kids that give it to her from them.

If you REALLY want to be safe. Buy her something and keep the receipt, put it away in a closet (the present). This way IF (big if based on what she said about not buying her a present) she actually got something for you, you won't feel like an ass, by not having something for her. You can also keep ahold of the present until next year and depending on where you are then maybe be able to give it to her. Or return it to the store.

[ba065]

Follow your heart...keep it simple and not too personal. Tell her no strings, it was just something you wanted to do.

BA

[Patrick325]

another question I had was what do I do if my wife keeps bringing up meeting to go over details of a D. Unfortunately before I moved out Leslie had said she wanted a D so we sat down with the kids and told them --then a week later I moved out. Can I tell her I changed my mind? Or should I just keep stalling? I was told by the coach that I should not help her with the D at all. Maybe I should tell her I am standing for our marriage...?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Questions abound with new people here.
Our advice is based off of our experience, realize that first and foremost, ok?
All of us here realize that working on ourself is primary, it doesn't seem that way at first, but that is the truth.

In my case, I told her that I would not help her with a divorce, because I did not want to be divorced.

PS - do not use names here.
Do not tell her about this board either. This is YOUR safe area. She will not be impressed by it.

[Patrick325]

So what did she do?? Did she still file or not? I think I made a mistake sitting down with the kids and telling them that we would D. It will ake it harder for her to change her mind...but at the time she brought up D I didn't know it "wasn't over till it's over"--got that from Dr Laura

[butterflymom]

So what did she do?? Did she still file or not? I think I made a mistake sitting down with the kids and telling them that we would D. It will ake it harder for her to change her mind...but at the time she brought up D I didn't know it "wasn't over till it's over"--got that from Dr Laura

Nah - you didn't make a mistake. H and I sat down and had that same talk with our kids ---- twice, and now we are peicing.

Just tell her your not going to help her in anyway at all to get a divorce. People change their minds all the time. NO big deal.

BFM