Heim - I think i've conditioned myself to think i must have done something wrong if things aren't going right. When things were really bad between us I took the blame alot. My mom always did it, so I just thought, that's how it goes. I would justify his behavior. "well, he wouldn't say/do that if i hadn't done something to make him" I have been getting out of that habit, but I find myself getting back there occasionally. Thanks.
I think he gets it, but because i was always ready and willing before everything, now i think he has a hard time understanding why i can't just get back to that. I know it makes him mad, but that's a physical response. i can't just tell myself to be ready anymore than he can.
I mostly get up with the girls. Every once in a while. (maybe 1 out of 25 times) he'll get up, but then they normally want me, so he just comes and gets me anyways. ------------------ bh - I think my biggest problem there is that i'd really prefer not to do anything with him. It takes a big effort for me to try and get things started. So if he's going to roll over and say goodnight and actually fall asleep, i just let him. For me, if i say goodnight and roll over and fall asleep, it's cause i'm tired and want to go to sleep, no games... that's what i want.
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It doesn't sound like you have to worry about being shot down by your H, so maybe try being more aggressive in your attempt next time.
This made me think of something. Maybe it's easier to ignore it than get shot down. In my head i know he wouldn't say no now. But before - he would have an excuse to not want to at least 75% of the time. Maybe there is something in me that holds back because its easier than facing that agian. Especially since he hasn't initiated sex with me in almost 2 weeks and that's how it was before.
I dunno... my mind is kinda running away with random thoughts today.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
