You were all right...unfortunately...

[bombardier50]

OK...truce is the wrong word. I think what I was getting at was that I don't have anything more to say. Choc, IMconfused, you're right on this: she needs to sit and stew. She doesn't like to stew. That's why she went out to dinner and that's why she withheld what tiny bit of affection she still showed to me. Like Lillieperl says, it's time for me to drink a great cup of shut the f_ _k up.

So help me here. In her process of coming to grips with her behavior, she's looking to place the blame squarely on me. Here's how she's doing that:

1)"You have insecurities." Yeah, no sh!t. That's where I gave her that great line:"Fighting to save my marriage is not insecurity." She REAAAALLLLY hated it when I said that.

2)"You're acting like this because you're depressed. You need to get on meds." I should elaborate on this. Until I talked to my DB coach, I was sad a lot. Well, hell yeah. We weren't having any sex, no physical affection, and she was talking to the OM constantly and acting all lovey towards him. No sh!t I was depressed. Until my DB coach pointed out that I needed to stop because it was making things worse. So now, even though I am ALWAYS happy and upbeat (at least around her), all I hear is how I need to be on meds.

So help me out here. How long does it take for the lightbulb to go on? What are the signs that she's starting to realize that SHE screwed up?

NO...I DON'T want to go to counseling, because I know what her motivation is. She wants to cure ME of my "insecurities" and my "depression" so she can continue her little warped fantasy with the OM without me hassling her. Yet, if I refuse to go to counseling, then "I don't want to work on the marriage." I'm screwed either way.

By the way, she hasn't cut off her communication with the OM, but he's really cut down on how often and how long he lets her talk to him. And he keeps the conversation really mundane. This is really pissing her off...I can tell. I'm really screwing with her world, and she can't wait to get me off her back. She made this snide little comment the other day: "I don't know why the MC hasn't called me back yet. I'm sure she could hear the desperation in my voice." Yeah, thanks.

So...there's how I feel right now. I think you can tell I'm going through the grieving process here. Right now I'm in the anger stage. In my earlier post, you heard a little bargaining. An hour from now I'll be telling myself I blew this completely out of proportion (denial). When I go to bed tonight I'll be crying in my pillow over what I've lost (depression).

Please give me acceptance...soon.