So last night everything seems good. He's quiet, but nice. I know he's been sick, I figure he's tired. We go do some christmas shopping w/ the girls. We picked up some dinner. Came home and ate as a family. It was nice. I read a book to the girls and put them to bed. He wanted to watch a show on tv so we did. then i got up to clean the kitchen. He comes in to mess w/ me. He was kissing me and stuff. He was messing around so i did to. Then he ran away and i chased him into the bedroom. I'm thinking this is my chance to make up for the last couple nights. I tell him that I think we should just stay in bed. He said "an hour early, oooh okay." We both got up, shut off lights and went to bed.
He's got a thing with the lights being off, so I shut off all the lights in our room and the tv and he rolls over to go to sleep and says good night within a few minutes i hear snoring, so i know he fell asleep. So now I'm confused. I'd prefer that quite honestly, but I know it's been a few days, so I thought that when he said sure we'll go lay in bed an hour early, that he wanted to have sex, not go to sleep. So i'm just laying there thinking, rationalizing it in my head. He's been sick. He's had a hard busy day. He's probably tired and needs to sleep.
I was tired, by now it's been about 30 minutes since we laid down and I'm falling asleep. He wakes up and H: what are you doing? M: just thinking. I'm starting to fall asleep H: what's on you mind? What are you thinking? M: I just though you wanted to have sex, but you just rolled over and fell asleep. I guess i took more out of you wanting to go to bed early than there really was. H: Well i did. M: Then why did you roll away from me and say goodnight? H: I was just waiting for you to do something. M: (huh?) I'm sorry, i thought you were just really tired. You fell asleep so i figured you just really needed the rest. H: it's not like you even want to anyways. If you wanted sex with me, it wouldn't matter if i was sleeping.
he's got a point there. Back before all this started. If he said goodnight, i'd probably crawl up behind him until he turned back towards me or told me he's really tired or doesn't feel like it. it's been a long time since i've done that.
M: Ummm... I'm sorry. I just knew how you had been feeling lately and wanted to give you some rest. Can i ask you something? (maybe i shouldn't have done this, but i wanted to know) H: yeah, sure... M: ever since we've been getting closer, you've stopped trying to initiate sex, but you get upset when i don't. Is there a reason that you aren't initiating it anymore? H: I don't know. I always do it wrong. When i try to hold you and rub your back i just put you to sleep (okay, so he wasn't trying to let me sleep this weekend? maybe? i dunno) and when I just start having sex with you, it hurts/too much too fast. (when i'm not in the mood, like lately, it can be painful if out of nowhere, he just gets on top of me and starts or tries to) M: I'm sorry you feel that way. Maybe if you just start by kissing me, (somewhere in between helping me fall asleep and jumping on top of me) it would be a good place to start. I didn't realize that when you were hugging me and rubbing my back that you were trying anything. I was so tired that i just fell asleep. H: i know. (he then rolled over) well, goodnight.
he was mad, i could tell by the way he said it, but the baby started crying, so i got up to see what she needed. When i got back to bed, he was out, so i went to sleep. I probably would have done something or at least tried to talk to him, but it was almost 2am and i wake up at 6. i needed to sleep. I just keep thinking that i don't understand what happened. I gave him a big kiss this morning before i left. I don't know if he's mad or upset with me. I'm confused. He seemed ok this morning, but i don't want to keep having talks like this every other night. This is a conversation we've had versions of before, but I was just confused this time because he rolled away from me and fell asleep. Before it was because I did that to him. I don't know. I probably did something, but just can't see where i went wrong. Any advice? Thanks
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
