Advice regarding counseling

[Jen1967]

I took the stance a few weeks ago with H to try my best to give him what he needs (and hopefully find out what those things are), do the lion's share for now, offer forgiveness, space, freedom, and me putting coins in his bank. I screw up sometimes. But, he is talking more and more now. He WANTS to talk to me he said. He wants me to understand there has been a disconnect and he still doesn't think I get it. So he wants to talk some more tonight. I am going to try really hard to validate what he's saying and not react, defend, explain. Just understand where he has been and is.

I suggested Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, because he's talking now, and my phone coach recommended he and I read it. I then asked him if that annoys him for me to recommend a book. He said, "No, it's the least annoying thing you do." To which I laughed. He said, "One thing I wish you'd stop doing is recommending therapy, and not because I think therapy is bad, but because I want to hear what you're going to do different if we try to work things out NOW. I want to hear what YOU are going to do to fill my needs."

So, Chuck said it right. If you go, make it an opportunity to show your wife how serious you are about changing yourself. Ask the therapist in front of her, "What can I do to learn to love my wife the way she needs to be loved?" That might blow her away to make it about your shortcomings and not hers.


Good luck with your W. I say it's a good sign she's going to C with you. Make it the chance to show her how serious you are about hearing what she said she needs from you. No demands. And, of course, pray....