Those are really bad comments. You need to find a way to call a truce in the family. It's not war. You and she may no longer be lovers, but there is no reason you can't be friends. You need to find a way to be friends with her. Maybe not her best friend, as she won't allow that, but at least someone she does not fear. A person she feels safe with. That is a good thing to do at Christmastime.
My kids used to get angry at each other for wrongs that one committed against the other. And I had to admit, they were wrongs, not misunderstandings. But it didn't matter, we could not have a war within the family. I would force them to make up with each other and declare themselves friends. The anger would get forgotten after that and life went on.
