I know that one of the things that's bothering you is that he WILL start to slip and HE WON'T TELL YOU, just as he didn't tell you about the cancer. SEE WHAT YOU CREATED, IC, BY NOT LEVELING WITH HER???
Lill,
This is what I'm afraid of. It was hard enough to get him to go to the hospital for his knee...and look what happened with that. He didn't come out with the cancer until the last moment when he could not really hide it anymore. I'm afraid that if there was a way for him to have hid that and gone through this without having to tell me, he would have. I know I worry too much, and he doesn't worry enough. F*ck, I don't think he really worries at all...except how I'm going to feel and react and that he has to hide and protect me from things.
I know this is going to the extreme, but it would not surprise me in the least that if things did get bad for him...I would never know it and then one day he would be gone. I admire that he does not want to expose me to the hurt and grief, but at the same time, it makes me feel almost as an outsider. kwim? IC, I vowed to share in the good times....and the bad
