After I confronted my H about his affair, and even after it ended because apparently OW wasn't interested in being in a contentious relationship, my H kept trying to blame his affair on me. This went on for weeks. He kept saying that I said hurtful things to him through the years of our marriage. So I took the emails that I had from him to her and I copied the part where he said he loved her and that marrying me was a mistake. And I said to him, "Hurtful words, you want to see hurtful words?" And I handed him a piece of paper on which I had copied his words (so he knew I had the original emails, and he wasn't getting them back). And he read his own words. After that I didn't hear about how I caused his affair with my hurtful words.
Sara,
I had the opposite experience -- my wife was doing the classic script "re-writing of marital history" thing with me, saying that she "felt this way for a long time now." So I got out VERY recent anniversary, Valentine's Day, and other cards she had given me -- one of them just a MONTH or so before her affair started -- where she told me how much she LOVED me, and how special our relationship was, etc.
