Thank you for your thoughtful comments. We are not in any kind of C at this time--H is not even remotely open to counseling with anyone. Doesn't believe it will help him, has an antagonistic attitude towards it, so I think it's up to him to come around and seek help. Realistically, that may never happen. But I can always hope that his heart will change. For me, I've spent plenty of time with C, and though I have things to work on, I feel like I do have a good grasp on what they are and I'm handling it on my own for now.
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he probably doesn't give any thought to the things he says or how it impacts others.
This is dead-on true of my H. Sometimes he's not funny though. I haven't decided if it's intentional or not. He usually laughs it off, so it gets swept under the rug. I have been doing better at standing up when I think something is absolutely unacceptable, but I do have to pick my battles. I have developed a much thicker skin over the years.
I hope I get to a point where I am more comfortable telling H how I am feeling too. I think that my hesitancy stems from not being absolutely sure of my own feelings...I don't want to fire off everything on the tip of my tongue and end up with a war zone, so I hold back to pick my battles. Things smooth over pretty quickly and often, before I've had time to decide if they're worth fighting over or not.
It's quite the dance, balancing the need for rebuilding and the need to make sure the new R construction is solid and safe. I admit to some hesitancy to rock the boat, so to speak. I think he is conscious of that and I worry sometimes that he's taking advantage of it. But I also think he's pretty clear that I am perfectly capable of handling life on my own, and it's his family to lose.
