W still angry with me, but the intensity lessens

[Lanzo]

Ok this is gonna sound like a first time post so take time in reading.

Since I did my 180 on W and told her I'd had enough and wanted out of the M she actually been quite calm and we getting on in civilized manner, think this time she believed me, but we both agreed to hold R talk until after festive period.

My DB is working (more about that later) but I didn't feel W moving closer to me, didn't think I would see that magical breakthrough. so fearing a longer stalemate I pushed things a little outside of the rules.

I called W best friend for a chat and asked her four question.

1. Does W feel trapped in the M. Ans: No

2. Why after what W has done and I told her we both agree that the M is over, does she ask me what do I want from the M
Ans: Well what do you want ?

3. Does W have feelings of love for me. Ans: Ask her yourself.

4. The underlaying problem that W and I have, is it fixable.
Intial Ans:W has the problem you can't change. I told friend if it's me I can. But she wouldn't let on what the problem was. So after that it was a guessing game.

Long story short, bottom line is W has a problem with me physically, which turns her off. Prevents her from wanting to have sex with me. Hence her version of the ILYBNILWY speech. She's really developed a Physiological hang up about it but won't talk about it.

I know this is second hand information but ***king hell !!! our marriage nearly destroyed over something she couldn't talk to me about. After six years of limited sex, my frustration leading me to letting myself go and ignoring W. W feeling neglected, and her finding comfort in an EA, then her frustration leading to an PA. So many issues have also manifested themselves now, that the whole thing is a mess, how can we sort things out.
Even now I can't bring up talk cos we said we would wait, but even then how do I broach something which has been eating away at her for so long.

I feel angry, cheated annoyed. things should never have gone this way.

OK I hold my hands up bad comms mainly my fault, I probably never tuned into W. She actually said once we got married she felt I stopped trying. She may have a point.

So back to DB, I know its working, W notices me now, she sees my GAL, she can see I'm back in better shape. She even commented on my appearance. The call to W friend has for me put one of the final pieces in the Jig Saw, I can match up and understand when W said things like ILY but I don't fancy you.

Problem now is W is backed to a wall with a H she doesn't fancy (Sure I can change this). Committed A's out of frustration. Thinks I want out of the M in the New Year. Doesn't know if she wants the M or not because of what she has done and my reactions to them. How can I let her know the M is not over without her thinking I'm starting pursuit. She really needs to feel she can come back to it. OK I've got enough experience and insight now, finding the Lan she fell in love with is a must I know W can partially see him otherwise she'd be gone already.


Oh, the ***king problem, it's sweat. Couldn't ***king believe it when friend said it. When we make love, I sweat, a lot, it drips onto W and she hates it. W has mentioned it it the past but never made it out to be a deal breaker. She mentioned it in amongst a hole host of things, You've let yourself go, you've put on weight, you don't look after yourself. Geezz, I could just scream and cry at the same time.

I started writing this post not knowing what to do next but I think the same DB rules apply only my goals must be realigned, with communication top of list, reshaping my reshaped body next. little less body fat may reduce the sweating.

(PS sorry for all the cursing)