The End or Just a Begining?

[Atlas]

You should have a total out. Personally, I think it will make it easier on the two of you. She will be aware that the relationship isn't a given and will need to do the work to keep you. I'm sure that she has a fair amount of guilt, but right now it feels to me that her driving need is security and not letting you get completely away. What if the grass looked greener again elsewhere? I guess I get the sense that she's still at a point where she would pursue a perception of greener grass.

Funny you say that, that was exactly my response to her. She says that isn't the case, that she isn't dating and won't, but wants me too. Hogwash, I don't buy it. I think she is scared of losing me, she knows it, but I think she is just as scared of coming back to a M where she felt alone. So I think she wants to keep fence sitting and see what passes by or if she can feel secure emotionally with me again.

I'm struggling to understand your situation.

Sorry Just_me, but you will have to get in line on this one. Hehe!

So, she wants to be with you? Or does she express uncertainty about that?

There is uncertainty, she discusses both. She tells me how she wants to be with me, but she is scared as he!!

Talking about getting remarried sounds like she wants to be with you, but her actions don't really seem that way.

That is all it's been for a while, a lot of talk the talk, but no walk the walk.

She wants to be with you so much that she sleeps on the couch? It sounds more like she wants some aspects of a marriage without the whole ball of wax.

Totally agree. I don't ask her to come over, she just shows up, talks about going home all night typically, then "Oh is it really that late, I'm staying here."

Do you get the impression that she'd be happy enough to just be roommates with more security, but not with the obligation of providing for your needs?

Yes and no. She is worried about housing. Talks about throwing money down a drain with rent, but I don't think W is the type that would move back in without a R that involved meeting each others needs. Um, basically, I don't think she would move back in unless we had a sexual R.

I don't know what I'd do in your situation....I think one thing I'd feel comfortable saying when she talks about remarriage is, "we've got a long way to go before I could contemplate that", or something put a litle more diplomatically.

Good point!

As things stand now, can you even envision asking her to marry you again?

Honestly, until last night no. But something came back over me last night and I thought and felt like I know, sounds cheesy I know, but I think even if I leave, break it all off, etc., I think we would still end up together again eventually. Sounds weird, but were too close and too good a friends. Always have been. That doesn't say I can envision myself asking her to marry me again, that hasn't really crossed my mind, I think one reason being is if we do work things out, I'm thinking a minimum of two years before I remarry her.

I don't know what your plan was for the holiday season. Was it to hang out together through the holidays? Do you have any "me time" planned? A couple days without her and the R talks sounds refreshing and maybe what you need to refocus on yourself. Is that in the cards?

Plan is that she takes S to her family X-mas eve party. I go to my families alone. We meet later that night at the house, get S down, spend the night getting things ready, have X-mas morning. I'll make breakfast. Then I'm taking S to my families house for X-mas day, and W goes her way. There will be plenty of me time. She did ask last night if I would spend new years with her. "What no hot date?" "That's what I'm trying to get right now." So a good sign, and honestly, I'd rather be with her for it, instead of toasting with the single buddies, I think that would just make me feel horrible.

Thanks for the response.