WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..(2)

[jab]

Thanks frank_D,

Had a horrible nightmare about W last night, woke up in a sweat. When I finally got up 2 have some coffee, get ready 4 day I started thinking about things.

I'm thinking I have done things wrong in the past, but I don't deserve this (what I'm dealing with). I may deserve some of it but not all this. I'm a little angry. The more I think about the past several months, the more I start to see that my W has the problem. I NEVER did anything close to what she has been doing to me lately. It really upsets me that she has been acting the way she has at new job for several months (the impression that she wants to f*** someone, all her friends think I'm an a**, W feels uncomfortable doing things with me, W was 'fishing' for an A, W blaming all her unhappiness on me, etc..). All my life I was always the 'likeable' guy. I was always easily approachable and 'fun-loving'. Yeah, I was depressed for awhile but I haven't been a dark, depressed, unapproachable, selfish drunk for 10 years! Not even close!

As far as I can see, I'm the 'strong' one in this situation. She is my W, we have kids. I NEVER flirted with other women or anything like that. When things were bad I tried to talk about how I felt (may not have always had a positive outcome but I tried). I just don't get it. Can I forgive all of this? Will I ever trust her? All I ever wanted was love that a W could offer and to give that back in return. A family. A happy life. This is bull****. I've worked so hard to get where I am and W is s***ting all over my life and acts like it's all my fault. Yeah, I neglected her at times. Yeah, I drank alot at times when things got rough. But, I never disrespected her, I accepted her faults. A spouse is supposed to be there to support you when the 'chips are down'. I was there for her, what the h*** happened when I needed the support?!

Sorry, just venting. I understand alot, but I really cannot see what I did that was SO BAD that I deserve this type of treatment. Got to get ready for work now. I will pray for W today (and 4 myself to let go of this anger/resentment that I'm feeling right now).