I've been thinking about what you've been telling me and I've been make a serious conscious effort to turn my feelings around. We've openly talked about this and I really have been avoiding IC. Kind of along that line of thinking that if you ignore a problem, eventually it will go away...problem is, this ain't going away at least not anytime soon.
You said that IC is probably trying to make things in our life as "normal" as they can possibly be given the situation....they haven't been normal. Normal to me would mean spending time with my husband, good quality time with him. Maybe or maybe not more time, but definitely not less time...which is what I have been doing and subconsciously making an effort to do so.
Every since IC came out about the cancer, I've showed it, I've said it, I've felt it...I've conveyed that IC is fragile and I've made MYSELF believe that over and over. Maybe down the road there will come a time when he is...now is NOT that time, and I've got to convince myself of that. I mean right now he's....he's...well, he's IC. If the circumstances (unrelated to the cancer) were a little different, he'd still be out on the ice getting pounded and knocked on his azz by 200lb men....cancer and all.
Sunday we received a pretty hefty snowfall and we had the whole day at home, just IC, the girls and I....a big emotional test for me and trying to clear out this way of thinking. I may have taken the proving to myself that IC is not fragile a little TOO extreme Him and the girls were out playing in the snow and I took the opportunity to sneak up on him and with all the might and leverage this little 110lb body could muster, I planted him into the snow, gave him a real good white washing and bolted back to the house. It felt good!!!!
Later that evening, as I held him, I let my emotions pour out for a good 15 or 20 minutes. I didn't get the massage like you suggested, but it was a nice release just the same.
I know you guys are probably all tiring of hearing my sob stories but this has really been hard for me. Compared to many, I've been somewhat fortunate in that I have thus far lived a sheltered life of not having to deal with things like this....please bear with me.
Him and the girls were out playing in the snow and I took the opportunity to sneak up on him and with all the might and leverage this little 110lb body could muster, I planted him into the snow, gave him a real good white washing and bolted back to the house. It felt good!!!! 
