We've probably been through this before, but how did you come up with Fearless?

I don't think I have explained on this forum. In May 2004 after a few rough months my XH told me that our marriage was in trouble and he could imagine it ending. I began working really hard on myself but he didn't seem to see any changes and in August suggested a separation AND starting marriage counseling. (MC was good news, right?) He decided to stay with his best friend. Anyway I knew I had to push aside my fear that he was going to leave for good and bought a necklace with the word "Fearlessness" in Sanskrit and it was kind of my motto for getting through that fall. I didn't tell ANYONE we had separated and had no one. I worked and took care of our house and little farm on my own that fall and immersed myself deep into self improvement. Unfortunately by November it was fairly obvious that although MC seemed good it was going no where for XH. But I am stubborn and tenacious and I refused to be the one to give up. Then Christmas Eve afternoon he came home and told me about his affair that started in March. I had had NO clue until the day before. He ended his affair that evening (one of the hardest nights of my life!) and came home. Unfortunately things didn't fall into place. After 2 rough months I lost my job and he took that "opportunity" to say that he "couldn't do this any more." So I left this time to give him space. Still remained hopeful that we could somehow work things out. So when I joined the DB board I kept the Fearless theme.

This is important to why I feel strongly about being fearless in facing rough times. I don't think I would have lasted as long as I did or kept my sanity (I think) if I hadn't had that attitude. It was also positive to me to find out when I spoke to close colleagues at work that they had no idea I was going through such a rough time. I did break down around Thanksgiving and told one of my best friends. Interesting that she asked me if he was having an affair and I remember being shocked by the idea and said no. Then in January I did tell another friend who lived close by about EVERYTHING. It was a relief to have someone to talk to about it. So I cannot by any means claim to be a complete rock:)

In my case the idea of exposing the affair was never really applicable. By the time I found out, he had ended the affair so telling everyone would have just been vindictive. ALTHOUGH the OW threatened to tell people and I did suggest to XH that we should just take that card away from her and tell his law partners and parents. I knew they would be willing to support him so this suggestion was purely to defuse her threats. We never went that route and she never followed through as far as I know.

Anyway... long explanation!!!

I wish you and your family the best on your trip!!!!!!!!!!!!



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus