Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning pt 2

[phbear316]

Jeanette

Oh, i thought i would be better this am, i am not. My heart hurts. I don't know what to do

I got up this am, shaking. How do i do this? I so wanted to show him i was strong this am, but when i said goodbye to him this morning i could not help the tears that were running down my face. I have not been able to stop crying all the way in to work and as i sit here now.

I am hoping in my heart that this is the right thing to do, let him go and clear his head. Now reading your post, i am having second thoughts, I have a feeling you don't think things are going to get better.

I have to hold some sort of hope. I have to believe that line of if you love something set it free, it its meant to be with you it will come back. Maybe i am being stupid, and nieve

Again I have to look at this like, i'm glad he will not be with ow, but i do know he will be talking to her and texting her, for i am not stupid. Maybe she is out of the picture, i can only hope.

I had hoped and prayed that h would not go, but I know this is better for him to be away from her.

H did tell me last night, that he wants me to call him day or night, and he promises to call me. Now where is this coming from i have no idea, overwhelming guilt, i call it.

I told h i am struggling with jan, and what to do, H suggested that i cancel, and bank the points for get this maybe us to use at another time. Now what the heck does that mean? I said i was hoping that maybe you would just come down for the weekend, i told h, part of me wants to go, part of me does not. H says i deserve a vacation to. I am so torn up about this, i have to make a decision by wed.

After i left his am i texted h and told him i was sorry that i cried this am when i left i did not want to, just hard and then i asked if i would talk to him later. His reply was absolutely! I know i was wrong with the text, but i did not want to cry this am i wanted to be strong and show him i am strong, but i failed as usual

I don't know when and how i will tell my parents he went to fla. Do i not say anthing and just let them think he is here or do i tell them the truth?

Jeanettte, I feel from you post that you do not things are going to be better for h and I and that scares me. I do know one thing though, that darn psychic said h would be here for the holidays with me, well she was wrong, so maybe her whole speech about h being gone is wrong. I can only hope

((hugs))

Bear