Love, PAIN and the whole crazy thing!

[mcol]

You do understand, don't you, that if she HAS been unfaithful, that all infidels lie? She would NOT tell you the truth about it. Unless I'm missing something, what I'm hearing you say is, "I believe her because I believe her."

You suspected it; even her own family suspected it. You are the people who know her, and the situation, the best.

Choc...I am with you however, I need to explain that the W I married changed drastically when her dad died and I deployed. I think the whole family does not understand the new person that they are trying to deal with and as such they do not understand her. To that end, I believe that we were applying our understanding of the old W as opposed to the new W (very difficult to type exactly what changed) which is why we thought the affair. Communication is the key man.

She was afraid that she was going to lose me over here so she blocked me out of her emotional response. As such, I believe she started to live life without me because something inside her told her that she needed to prepare for the worst. Unfortunately, that side took over which led to her change of heart and the subsequent letters. I think she determined after losing her father that it would too painful to lose me as well. As such, I think she decided to try to get me out of her life so she would not have to face that pain again. I am praying that once I get back she will do a 180 on me because I am out of danger. She has always said that due to my occupation she has never been able to seriously consider a future with me because I might get killed. I will delve into this with her tonight to see her response...depending on her mood of course and how she is feeling about all the crap that went down in the last several days.

Yesterday we had a little snag. We were IMing and in an attempt to try to connect I was asking her lots of questions about her friends. I felt like it was prying so I asked her if she felt like I was snooping to which she said "it is starting to feel like it". I immediately recoiled and stopped watching her chat room and apologized. I thought my response was appropriate in saying that in my attempt to get to know her again I wanted to get to know her friends. Clearly, she has found something in them which is comforting and provides haven. If I can tap into that then it may help build trust and start repairing our R.

I contemplated hiring a PI and almost went through with it but at the end of the day I realized what I need to do is listen to my wife and believe her when she tells me things. This side of our R needs the most work. We need to hear each other and empathize with what has happened to the R we held dear before her father died. Then maybe we can go forward.

now that the EA/PA has been disproved, will you describe the current relationship between your W and the guy previously suspected to be the OM?

Burg...the relationship is the same, they call each other to talk about the things going on in their lives. I am not crazy about it but I am in, as I see it, to make demands of W. If I feel like she is sidetracking me in favor of him then I will likely address it.

That quote was intense but I have to tell you that she said the part of her heart that felt anything for me hard and cold. I have to find a way to spark that flame again. I think the first major step forward is coming home. I believe that she will not be able to reconnect with me until she knows that i am generally out of harm's way. Although driving on the interstates in America is more dangerous than being here, statistically.