New to Piecing -- again

[peaceful_spirit]

Cat,
I told all my family and friend what had happened. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, so it's hard for me to keep anything inside. I've since learned to keep my marital problems inside. But during this time, H had moved out and we were going to mediation and planning on getting a D. But it's nice to hear that story about your cousin.

I am feeling icky today. Every once in a while, I start to feel anxious, scared, insecure... etc. Nothing in particular happened. But I guess it's just me. I wonder when/if I'll ever feel really safe in my M again.

Every few weeks, I "check in" with H. He had agreed that we can do this since we're not in MC. Basically, I ask him how he's feeling about things... if anything is bothering him... how he feels things are going. Then I tell him about the struggles taht I continue to have from time to time. And although I try not to, I do end up asking about OW. I know, I shouldn't. I guess i just have this need for reassurance.

So, last night we had another talk. I told him that he knows how I'm feeling all the time because I express it. But with him, I need to ask him from time to time if anything is on his mind.

Anyway, last night's talk was okay. I learned a few things that irritate H that I've been doing. Minor things, but at least something I can be aware of.

I did ask him about OW. He said he hasn't had contact. But I don't even know why I ask because he has said that in the past and did still have contact in the past. I told him that I still think about OW and that it still hurts. He said he udnerstands.

I asked him if he's making progress with his C. He said he doesn't know. He said that he does like giong to her and likes talking to her. But is he "getting better" because of it? he doesn't know. he said it's just living life that is making him better.

I had said that I feel scared sometiems that he can fall into the same trap again, and what's to prevent him from diong it. He said that sometimes you have to go through the bad stuff to learn what not to do. He said you have to get burned by the flame to learn thta you dont' want to do it again.

I only let the convo go on for about 20 minutes. I know he hates them, and I acknowledged that. But I told him that it's important for me to have a sense for how he's feeling and thinking.

But for some reason, I'm still feeling insecure today. When will I jsut feel safe in my M?