The End or Just a Begining?

[Just_Me]

she thinks to make it right we would have to D and then remarry, which she would like to do. She said she wants to make sure I have the chance to run, because she says what she did in unforgivable, and so she wants me to have the total out.

That's fair. You should have a total out. Personally, I think it will make it easier on the two of you. She will be aware that the relationship isn't a given and will need to do the work to keep you. I'm sure that she has a fair amount of guilt, but right now it feels to me that her driving need is security and not letting you get completely away. What if the grass looked greener again elsewhere? I guess I get the sense that she's still at a point where she would pursue a perception of greener grass.

I'm struggling to understand your situation. So, she wants to be with you? Or does she express uncertainty about that? Talking about getting remarried sounds like she wants to be with you, but her actions don't really seem that way. She wants to be with you so much that she sleeps on the couch? It sounds more like she wants some aspects of a marriage without the whole ball of wax. Do you get the impression that she'd be happy enough to just be roommates with more security, but not with the obligation of providing for your needs? I don't know what I'd do in your situation....I think one thing I'd feel comfortable saying when she talks about remarriage is, "we've got a long way to go before I could contemplate that", or something put a litle more diplomatically. As things stand now, can you even envision asking her to marry you again?

I don't know what your plan was for the holiday season. Was it to hang out together through the holidays? Do you have any "me time" planned? A couple days without her and the R talks sounds refreshing and maybe what you need to refocus on yourself. Is that in the cards?