I have my good days and not so good days, and the best part of that is I now have days when I actually feel happy, which hasn't happened in a long time. Sunday was a good day, yesterday I felt a bit lower.
I certainly entertained the thought of going up to them in the shop and having some fun, but I thought emotions might get in the way and mess it up. I was in shock to see them so unexpectedly, having only learned of things a couple of days before. It's also easy to behave in a way you might regret later and I didn't want to feel like a fool.
Sent a fairly direct email to my W about sorting out financial affairs and said I didn't want to meet up before Christmas. This is a bit of a 180 in some respects. Got a business like reply back from her this morning. It's amazing how interaction with her can suddenly make me feel so upset and pissed (mainly of the how dare you variety) - even something so simple as a four line email.
It makes me wonder whether composing a letter of just how I'm feeling would be beneficial. I guess even if I don't send it it may be therapeutic. The thing I'd most like to communicate right now is a complete sense of betrayal and the message that I'm angry that she never hit me over the head and said to me "can't you see you are losing me". I'm so, so angry about that. I can now recognize the part my actions have played in the deterioration of our R and feel like an idiot for not realizing what was happening. Simple things but they stack up to break a pair bond.
Regrets, I've had a few ...
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
