Good questions and those are the ones I have to decide upon before the new year, because I'm not doing this much longer. Thats not to say I don't stand for this R, but I'm not going to keep standing for this M.
Well what a night. Started off pretty bad with W being snippy and cold. Finally I just said, in a nice voice, you know if its going to be like this, I just as soon go home. She said fine, when I moved towards the car to leave, ok wait, I'm sorry. Let me take a few minutes, I didn't start this night right. Then OMG! She apologizes.
Went X-mas shopping and went way overboard. We were having a blast, she kept saying how she hadn't had fun like that with me in a long time. Then she asked if she could take me to dinner.
In the car W starts the R talk. I tried to back out of it, my goal for the night was to not mention anything. Well her goal was to mention it all. She basically dumped her guts, not about what she had done, but how she felt for doing it. Apoligized repeatedly for the A. Said she can't say sorry for leaving, she felt dead and says I brought her there.
This went on through the first part of dinner. She confused that the OM dumped her. Oh, thats way were back huh? Didn't say it. She talked about her EN's being meet by him. Then she woke up one day, and was like I have a good H, athletic, tall, hell of a better lover, and I'm with a short, fat, slob who looks like the little kid off the partridge family. Says it went down hill from there until he dumped her, and then she was totally distraught. She said not only did I lose my M, H, home, a guy with potential, I was dumped by a dork. She is going on and on about karma and how she got what she deserved, and she sees I'm not a bad guy cause karma dealt me with everything, the house, kid time, etc. Finally, I just can't take it anymore, I've heard enough, sick of validating etc. I said you think I won? I've lost the only thing that mattered to me, my life is empty, so don't for one sec think your the only one hurt here, you have no idea what you have done to me. At which point W is crying. I wasn't rude when I said it, but I'm just sick of hearing it.
I guess I should be grateful something is being said at all. So the rest of dinner was great. Even some flirting. She was feeding me desert, she made a face and moan at one bite, and I said boy it's been a while since I've seen that face. She giggled and gave another.
Went and got the rest of the stocking stuffers, much more comfortable and some flirting at the store. Now she is back at the house and spending the night, she made it clear it is on the couch for her. Damn!
As for my thinking. Nothing changes from above. After new years, I'm pushing for the D. W even said during her speech tonight that she thinks to make it right we would have to D and then remarry, which she would like to do. She said she wants to make sure I have the chance to run, because she says what she did in unforgivable, and so she wants me to have the total out. Says she is a good person, but she made life's biggest mistake and I'm too good of a guy to have to live with someone like that.
So there it is. Wow what a night, I'm totally emotionally drained. I think I'm going to be single forever, this whole R thing is too much.
