Okay, Jenny - so - how long can this baby go between breastfeedings? If you fed him at, say, 6 o'clock - could you leave him with H and D for 2 hours? Three? If so, then why not be dressed up (as if for a date), feed S, then tell H you're "stepping out" for dinner. Be mysterious. Let him wonder where you're going. Make sure you're somewhere that, if he calls, there will be noise in the background - even if you have to go eat by yourself in a sports bar!
Ellie, You're too funny. Yeah, I'd like to do this, but the truth is I'm just not ready to leave S yet. In fact I think I may be leaving him for 2 hrs on Wed night to take D to her Christmas concert at preschool. H suggested I leave S here for the 2 hours. There is a few ounces of pumped breastmilk just in case. But I'm dreading it! I'm looking forward to the time with D, we actually need some alone time together. But I HATE the thought of leaving S with H. I just don't feel like he deserves him! Doing what you mention will be easier in a few months when I'm not so attached to S. I'm in high mommy mode right now! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Me too! I know from my own experience how stressful 'life' can be on a relationship, even when two people really want it and there are no outside factors pushing on them.
My W and I have talked in the last week about how much we did within about a year or so - Both changed jobs, moved house, got married, got pregnant plus a bunch of other smaller stuff. It was maybe a year after that we started to have problems, and the only reason we survived that long was because we still loved each other when things really sucked.
Just wait until your H and his OW have to face something really tough, or OW sets her sights on someone else...
H was over today to shovel. He had to do it in two shifts because there is so much.
I bought D (almost 3 yrs old) a shovel and she went out to help Daddy. It was hard watching them out the window. Sometimes it just seems so normal when he is here. They were having a good time. H stayed and had lunch and then lounged on the couch for a couple hours with S before going out to shovel again. Then he left around 3 saying for me not to shovel. He'll be back in the morning to take D to school and he'll do it again then.
He thinks he being all superdad nice guy by doing this stuff. Like it makes up for what he is doing....sorry, as he would correct me...what he has DONE.
It is so hard to have him here so often and really believe that it is over. I think I liked it better when he as acting like an A$$ because then it was easier to believe that he is in some kind of crisis. Although...give it a couple days and he'll do something A$$-like I'm sure!
I know what you mean about it being hard watching them w/ things seeming so normal. H was here tonight, my night, for quite awhile. He was in a very good mood and was joking and laughing a lot. It seemed so good and normal. I wish it could be like that all the time. That is the man I still love. I offered to bake cookies and let H decorate the with the Ds on Thurs. That is something I have always done w/ the Ds. I hate to give it up, but I thought since it is something special, it would be really nice to let him do it. I'm hoping it will help repair their relationship.
As far as other people asking about the visits. H is scheduled for two nights a week. I make myself scarce on those nights so they can have alone time. I let H stop by as much as he wants on other days. I guess I could be mean and so no when he wants to come by, but I don't want to punish the Ds. The draw back is that H really doesn't get the chance to miss us. H also comes by every morning and takes D10 to school.
The draw back is that H really doesn't get the chance to miss us.
I agree with this. I'm hoping in a couple months when the real schedule kicks in that H will realize what he's missing out on with the kids.
I just hope it makes a difference to him because right now it doesn't. J~
i worry if things are too easy and comfortable they will never feel the consequences of their actions and I will never be able to fully go on. On the other hand, I don't want to punish the R with my baby and H even though he doesn't deserve it either....
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
[quote=Startingover2 On the other hand, I don't want to punish the R with my baby and H even though he doesn't deserve it either.... [/quote]
I meant I don't want to punish the baby because of my R with H. Sorry, that was a mental meltdown!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Jenny Hi I know I was the same way when my s6 was born It is hard to let them go when they are so little and need us so much You are doing great I agree too with the visitation thing I dont like H coming here so much, but now my kids are older 6 and 12 and I can leave a lot and I do This is a sacrifice but it is better than H taking them somewhere and exposing them to others that I dont know so form now it is ok peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I'm up and down today. I'm doing some cycling of my own. I have these really quick but intense crying jags...just for a minute. Then...I get angry. Really angry. Then a couple hours later...sad again. It's sadness for the loss of the old H and anger for the acceptance of the new H. It is hard to have H here and acting so normal. It is like we are married and it is so hard to think he is looking at me with those blank eyes. Thinking about her.
I wrote him a long letter basically responding to what happened on Saturday. DON'T WORRY...I won't send it. I do this often to feel I've gotten it off my chest. I am feeling bad that I didn't validate him more on Sat. It's like I know what the right things are to say...but in the heat of it I can't think on my feet. My old defensive tendancies come flooding back. But according to him...it doesn't matter anyway because it is so over and he has moved on. WHY can't I stop focusing on him? Why can't I stop wondering what stage he is at in this crisis and if and when is he going to come through it? I keep praying that he will not continue to go further down this path of self destruction...but it's happening. Anyway...blah blah blah. It's just more of the crap over and over again. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
