Seriously, I think what you are doing now is the right approach. What you were doing had gone as far as it could I think. It is time to put him in a position to step up. He will or won't, but you can't do it for him.
Jack, that's just it. I'm not DOING ANYTHING anymore except expecting him to be the man that I know that he is regardless of whether we are together or not.
I just popped in to show ya some support (cos you helped me a lot in my earlier days of standing for my marriage )and share wih you an email I received via RMMM today as it kinda rung tru with me (discard it if it's of no use to ya) - oh and not to say I agree with everything in the article so just extract the stuff which (hopefully) inspires ya.
Best wishes & blessings CM
Quote:
Each Tuesday Bob shares his thoughts on marriage restoration over20 years after remarriage to Charlyne following their divorce. - - - - -
Tonight (Monday) is the last Rejoice Pompano session for 2007. If you are in South Florida please join us - http://RejoicePompano.org - - - - -
CHRISTMAS "I" TROUBLE -
"When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh." Matthew 2:10-11
One week from today is Christmas Eve. That does not seem possible.
It seems only last week that we were in the midst of watching for hurricanes. It must be either because Charlyne and I are getting older, or a sign of the times, but time seems to fly by. Actually, the old adage is true; time flies when you're having fun, and Charlyne and I are having fun, ministering to friends around the world and witnessing marriages healed and people coming to Christ.
About this time every year, some people seem to develop "I" trouble. They lose their joy and their hope because their focus is on themselves, instead of on Jesus, whose birth we celebrate and on the people around them. May I share some of the classic symptoms of "I" trouble?
"They got a Christmas bonus and I didn't." "I don't hear from my spouse like other standers do." "How can I go to Christmas events when I have to go alone?" "I am not receiving many Christmas cards." "I am so defeated, down, and depressed." "I have financial problems." "I have no time." "Why should I even get a Christmas tree?" "Why should I read testimonies when I do not have one?" "Wonder what I will get for Christmas?" "I dread Christmas."
For most of us, including yours truly, there are both "Amens" and "Ouches" in that list.
Let's look at what we might do to change some things.
It is as simple as getting rid of the "I" trouble. You do not need an opthamologist, but a Heart Doctor, our Lord Jesus, to correct your outlook on Christmas. If we can take the focus off of ourselves and on to Jesus, whose birthday we celebrate and onto others, I can promise you that your outlook will change.
Let me tell you about Deloris. She is an elderly Christian woman who works part-time for the Ministry. (If you receive monthly CD's from us, they were packed with love by Deloris.)
Each Christmas, Deloris makes Christmas goodies for her friends. In recent years, Deloris has had major health problems. Nevertheless, on Monday we received our annual Christmas treats from Deloris. I suspect they will taste even better this year, knowing that it was a labor of love for this woman to shop, cook, and then gift wrap her edible gifts.
May I ask you a question? What have you done for someone else this Christmas season? Not just a gift to someone's Christmas fund, but how much of yourself have you invested into making Christmas joyful for someone else?
If you reply, "You don't understand. I am going through a divorce," you, my friend, are not getting it. You can lose your hurts by becoming involved in helping others.
Charlyne and I suspect that too many standers are spending Christmas on the computer. Instead of looking down at a keyboard, look around at the people you could be blessing, by acts of love, this Christmas season.
While I have been sharing the cure for "I" trouble, a song your eyes has been running through my mind;
Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
O soul, are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see? There's light for a look at the Savior, and life more abundant and free!
His words shall not fail you - He promised, Believe Him and all will be well; Then go to a world that is dying, His Perfect salvation to tell!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace.
(Written by Hlene H. Lemmel; Copyright 1922;1944 Singspiration Music. Used by permission CCLI #173562)
If you are seeking a Merry Christmas, and it seems to be escaping you, turn your eyes off of the crisis, the confusion, the challenges, the courts, and the computer. Turn your eyes upon Jesus and upon His hurting children who you are in a position to help.
My prayer today is that you will have a quick recovery from Christmas "I" trouble. Yes, it is possible for you to both be blessed and to be a blessing to others. The letters on God's eye chart are not "I" but "H E" and "T H E M." Stop looking down and start looking around and your Merry Christmas will be there.
"After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, "Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him." Matthew 2:1
Are you blessed and encouraged by our Web site, radio and daily devotionals? Become a partner in Rejoice Marriage Ministries by helping us proclaim around the world, "God heals hurting and dead marriages." Please pray about making an online contribution to Rejoice Marriage Ministries through our sercured server visit http://rejoiceministries.org/give.html
- - - - - Be encouraged for free 24 hours a day by Christian music, teaching, testimonies and more on radio programmed for standers at "Stop Divorce Radio" - http://stopdivorceradio.org
Jack, that's just it. I'm not DOING ANYTHING anymore except expecting him to be the man that I know that he is regardless of whether we are together or not.
With that so nicely said,
I think I will have a beer
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Amy just remember doing "nothing" is doing something. So don't go getting upset, angry or any other negative feeling because you aren't doing anything. You are it's just a very different something then you are used to doing and that's just fine.
Also remember sometimes we have to do "nothing" for our own good. What happens during "nothing" is the batteries get recharged, the thoughts, ideas and feelings get processed and without knowing it things do move forward. Our walk away spouses like to say they need "space" well what they need is nothing so they can process.
So take you space, your nothing, calm you mind, find your peace and take a step forward.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Jack, that's just it. I'm not DOING ANYTHING anymore except expecting him to be the man that I know that he is regardless of whether we are together or not.
And that Amy is the best fricken thing I have heard out of you. It's about f'in time you realized that paying for our sins does not mean giving everything we are to mend the mistakes.
You have paid your dues, you have done what you needed to do. Now it is time for you to start thinking about Amy again and not about him. If he turns back into that incredible man (which I believe he will by the way), then great, but if he doesnt, you move on and be the woman that you are.
Sometimes we get so caught up in paying for our errors that we forget that it takes two to tango. I used to absolutely hate the expression that two wrongs don't make a right, but the truth is, they don't. Yet we sit there and take so much from significant others because we feel that it is only fair considering all that we did. What a load of crap we put on our own shoulders Amy.
I have admired you for a very long time now Amy because of the strength you showed in acknowledging all that had happened and trying to rectify it throughout this time. But reality time, enough is enough sweetie. Take care of yourself again and let him take care of himself.
I honestly believe that if you do as you say here, the other things will fall in line. Your relationship with your child will come full circle and you will find your own happiness. In fact, at some point, just as you had to choose, your H may have to choose whether he wants to be part of your glorious life, or sit on teh sidelines and watch it pass by him.
I for one, like where you have come to Amy, and I am glad you posted. you have been in my thoughts quite a bit over the last week and I am very glad to see that you have not headed down the road of despair that stood firmly in front of you. Instead you have chosen the path of dignity and strength. Good for you.....
You know we are here whenever you need us, and I for one am looking forward to seeing Amy blossom.