I completely agree there. Just because you care about someone, and want to make them happy... doesnt mean that you automatically become their house-slave or something. And if they do something for you, for the sole reason that you like them to do it, not becuase they value it for themselves.... a decent amount of gratitude and appreciation is definately called for! Not to mention, if you really wanted the whole house spic n span, but they only happen to have cleaned 4 rooms out of 5... it's still something good that they did for you, so be nice about it.
You are missing my point. The reason the slob should do some vacuuming is that nobody is really a complete slob. How often has it occurred on this BB that after a big crisis the LD spouse suddenly recognizes "Gee,I guess I actually do like sex too after all.". Marital fusion pushes people to opposite ends of the spectrum on a variety of issues. The person who when single liked to vacuum twice a week develops a bitter dislike for all things Hoover after living for 20 years with Mr.VacuumDailyOrIWillMakeYouMiserable and that guy might discover after she leaves him that he doesn't even vacuum his bachelor pad daily himself and was just looking for suction-related Acts of Service as a sign of love or validation or control etc. etc. Or sometimes when you are in a relationship where no vacuuming gets done at all instead of admitting to mutual slobby behavior in conflict with a desire for a crumb free floor, each partner will fingerpoint at the other as guilty of either crumbthrowing or vacuum-slackery. So, what I am saying is that independent, differentiated action in pursuit of your own highest level of functioning in a given area will best serve the happiness of your partner and yourself.
For instance, the worst example of this with me would be that I was a wee bit overboard in my the-pilgrim-soul-is-the-sexiest-thing-enchanted-cottage view of sexuality. As a single woman, I discovered that "Guess what? I don't want to have sex with men who aren't physically attractive even if everything else about them is great." I so wanted to prove that I was "right" about this issue that I actually tried to be sexual with a man I didn't find physically attractive. Big, big, big mistake. My behavior resembled that of a mentally-impaired 7th grade cock-tease. So what I'm saying is that marital fusion is actually sort of a mild form of insanity and maintaining your own balanced, differentiated, non-co-dependent level of functioning is about the only preventative measure you can take. Counting on selfless behavior from others is kind of really stupid even if you are suffering under the delusion that you are capable of it yourself.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
