I'm sorry, but I'm not buying. You strike me as a sharp, sensitive guy, and you suspected SO much that you made the drastic moves of separating your finances and seeking out legal counsel, as well as involving family members. Now, you've totally done a 180.
I asked you yesterday, "By what evidence have you come to the conclusion that your wife is not having at least an EA?", and you responded:
Quote:
I completely understand what you are saying and you are not the only one who has mentioned this same concern. Quite frankly, I have my own concerns. One thing that W said yesterday that sticks in my mind is "If I wanted to have an affair no one would know about it". I believe this to be true. I do believe she has trusted in this guy for emotional support...to what level I would call that an emotional affair, not sure.
Trust me when I say the scenario is not lost on me but I have to be honest that at this moment I am more concerned for the other part of our R that were identified last night and not a possible EA.
I will have to wait and see because I am far from re-kindling anything. But my wife has a very hard time lying and her level of emotion she was dealing with last night makes it very difficult to think she was lying about her relationship with him. Time will tell...even if it was an emotional affair, she has been called on it and I believe that she wants to save our marriage as well. Me not being there has had a significant impact on her...that and not having her dad right now is just very difficult.
(emphasis mine)
You do understand, don't you, that if she HAS been unfaithful, that all infidels lie? She would NOT tell you the truth about it. Unless I'm missing something, what I'm hearing you say is, "I believe her because I believe her."
You suspected it; even her own family suspected it. You are the people who know her, and the situation, the best.
You at least owe it to yourself to get some unbiased, 3rd-party proof, one way or another. It will either put your mind at ease, or it will give you the information you need to deal with the situation wisely and effectively.
Put a keylogger on her computer, and/or hire a private investigator, if you can afford one. I had to put a keylogger on our PC and eventually put a voice-activated recorder in my wife's car. I had a friend of a friend follow her. I INSISTED the entire time that everyone on the message boards was wrong, that my wife was asexual, if anything, and that it would turn up nothing.
Instead, it turned up that she was meeting her 29yo (my wife and I are 47) personal trainer in department store parking lots, meeting up at his friend's house for sex, and heavy petting in her car, that I was paying for!
