You are getting some good advice here from veteran DBers (esp. sgctxok). It's all spot-on.
So you are getting the "what to do" stuff. Now allow me to add the "why you are doing it" part. Getting where you need to be will not be easy. It took me four months to get to where I am now regarding what I am about to tell you. You need to get there much quicker. This is the advice I give to all of the newbies. I repeat it so often because it helped me to see where I needed to get to. I will tell you where I went and how I got there.
So here it is. You need to get to the point where you no longer believe that your happiness is dependent on the love and acceptance of your husband. Because it isn't. YOU determine how happy you are. It's in your hands.
Imagine, if you will, if (heaven forbid) your husband were to die. Today. How would you react? Yes, you would mourn his loss. You would be very sad. Rightfully so, in spite of recent events. However, after a period of time, you would reach a point where you would turn to your daughter (or look in the mirror) and say, "He's gone, and we need to get on with life."
It is important that you begin thinking like that. You have mourned the loss of your husband. Now it is time to be there for your daughter, and get on with your life. Focus on you. Quit smoking, begin exercising, join a mother's group, rock climbing club, women's prayer group, volunteer at your daughter's school (or her extra-curricular activity)... whatever... but GO AND DO SOMETHING. Engage your mind. Mingle with others. Get on with your life as if your husband is gone forever.
