I can tell you that "be as loving and attractive to her (or him) as possible" was the prevailing culture on the Infidelity board back in my day (what I call the Class of '05). Didn't work for any of us. Not a single one. The only person I know of from then who had success used something of a hybrid approach and had a set of pretty unusual circumstances.
I believe that. No matter what the approach, the chance of success is usually not great. I think my point was that I believe the exposure approach is certainly no better in terms of success rates. And also can be very detrimental (I think) when you are talking about kids being exposed to this mess. I doubt very highly the parents could even maintain a basic civil relationship at that point. That's what I meant by burning too many bridges. No matter what happens in my own M, and knowing my H and I, I think maintaining a friendship is very possible. We are just like that. Other couples may not be. But I think it is worth it for the children. I can't remember if Bomber said he had kids, if not, than I'd certainly feel less inclined to maintain civility. In fact, I'd walk pretty fast out the door.
