Burg- I agree with what you are saying about baoundaries. What I take away from that is that you'd better be really ready to enforce it, or it didn't mean anything. So, if you say you'll hold for ten minutes, at 10:01, the phone's down.
In the current case, I think it is reasonable that dinner with the (ex-)dentist is not crossing the boundary, necessarily, though it is well out of the bounds of normal 'acceptable' behavior. Now, it might be reasonable for bomber to tell her he doesn't want her to do that again, but he would have to be prepared to back that up.
