Well, it's hectic as usual, Being Me! I took today off work because I just felt so tired and my head was feeling like a balloon. I don't know whether I've picked up some little virus or I'm just stressed out, either way I haven't missed a day from work since all this started, so I took it. After doing all the bedsheets ALONE in the laundry room, I went out to get stocking stuffers for the kids, W says she's bought a few small things and I said I'd pick up the rest. I guess I'm starting to settle into this separation thing. The new apartment is now the old apartment and when the kids aren't here it means coming home to noone. It's all a big adjustment and I know I must allow myself some grieving. For 17 years a big part of my identity was tied up in being a couple, when I came home I wasn't alone...well, physically anyway! Now, that part of me has been cut away, it's gone and sometimes it feels like a big bottomless hole. I can't be with my W, nor do I want to, and I can't be with anyone else either. Sometimes I just feel scared that I will end up being that guy who comes home to his lonely little apartment and will never be someone special to anyone else again. I know in my head that it's not so, but right now everything is so new and frightening. I want to be happy being me but I'm not sure how to do it. I think Coffee Buddy was that little light at the end of the tunnel where I could still hold on to the belief that maybe someday I could be special to someone, not today, not next month but maybe someday. That was taken away from me too and understandably so. My W certainly seems to be getting along just fine without me, I don't sense any feelings of missing me! So now I'm left looking into what feels like darkness with not even the shimmer of a light anywhere in sight. Wow, am I a bummer tonight! Maybe I'll hop over to Stubborn's thread and see if I can drag her down with me Well, at least I won't be sitting around tonight, I'm going to go to my aerobics class, though I don't feel like it because I can use the exercise seeing as how I don't have any snow to shovel any longer. W shovelled three times yesterday...good! So enough of my pity party for tonight. Thanks for stopping by Being Me, I'll perk up, I promise I think it's time for some serious re-framing of the old thought processes. How about a nice list of all the positive things about being separated...we'll go from there!
Well, at least I won't be sitting around tonight, I'm going to go to my aerobics class, though I don't feel like it because I can use the exercise seeing as how I don't have any snow to shovel any longer. W shovelled three times yesterday...good! So enough of my pity party for tonight. Thanks for stopping by Being Me, I'll perk up, I promise 
