It is great that you are opening up more about yourself. I wonder if you can go back and read your posts in a week or two when you might have better perspective on them?
To be honest, I'm pretty sure that I'd have my stomach in a knot living with you, wondering when my next reaction would displease you, wondering how to get everything perfect all the time, fearing changes in plans, aching for some spontaneity and joy. Is H really a man you love who you want to enjoy life with as a partner? I'd wonder, were I him.
Anyway, here's my advice, FWIW:
(1) Do a 180 and stick to it. Enjoy things when they don't go your way.
(2) Seriously work on your perfectionism. Have friends over without doing ANYTHING to your house.
(3) Be positive with H and cut down on the criticism.
(4) Communicate about YOU, cut the blaming/complaining/critical stream of negativity.
Example:
--No: "When dd and I left for the Nutcracker, you didn't tell me I looked nice." vYes: Smiling --"Hey, did you think I was a hot mama when I left for the Nutcracker?" --Yes: "I felt hurt and insecure when you didn't comment on my appearance when I went to the Nutcracker."
--No: After one or two exchanges like that, I said, "come on, won't that be fun, aren't you happy?" --Yes: I feel really let down and sad because you aren't excited.
--No: He said "you're pissing me off b/c you're not listening to me!" At this point, I get his drift and my eyes kinda bug out, like OK! He thought I was trying to push him into something when I just intended for us to lie down and snuggle or kiss when he originally said no to anything more. He said he didn't understand that and I guess he was trying to "apologize" when he said, rather sarcastically in my opinion, "sorry if that was your intent, but I didn't get that." He was walking off, steaming and I said, "BOY!" Because I'm thinking what a pile of sh!t I just stepped in for no reason. --Yes: I'm so sorry you didn't feel heard. I can see why you would feel that way.
