I don't know if "bunny" means "girl" so much as it means "child". If "girl" means "feminine and soft" that isn't it. "Child" in the sense of "I am an unwritten plate tuned to the world with innocence and a sense of wonder. You could crush me with one hand but you won't."
I don't know if "bunny" means "girl" so much as it means "child". If "girl" means "feminine and soft" that isn't it. "Child" in the sense of "I am an unwritten plate tuned to the world with innocence and a sense of wonder. You could crush me with one hand but you won't."
Tell me if I got that wrong Mojo.
You are right in the sense that the word I would use to best describe both "bunny" and "puppy dog" would be "vulnerable". One thing I'm still trying to wrap my mind around is the extent to which men associate vulnerability with feminine sexuality. It is obvious on the basic level of physiology or sexual functioning why vulnerability might be associated with the feminine. I think anyone, male or female, who evinces vulnerability seems more "lovable" but I think it resonates more as "f*ckable" to the male psyche.
Also, the monkey is a child too but more curious, active and high-spirited, the toddler running with scissors and a sucker in her mouth along the edge of the pool in hopes of catching the red balloon.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Well, I discussed the whole polyamory issue with an intelligent guy on one of the dating sites and I decided that I don't like it. The reason I don't like it is that it reminds me of when I was in junior high and they made us play cooperative games where nobody loses. The problem with those games is that nobody wins either. IOW, it's just another form of "settling" or being kind of chicken-sh*tted IMO.
Disregarding my bunny's momentary fall into a bucket of rice pudding, I have decided that my main problem in life currently is that my non-sexual lioness is "discouraged". The symptom of her discouragement is that I am broke and the fact that I am broke is having a bad effect throughout the zoo. Like my cow is way behind on her Xmas shopping and my bunny is overdue for her bi-monthly expensive dye job and my monkey is showing an inclination towards using dating as a means of free entertainment/fun. Usually what I do when I need to get my act together financially is make it into sort of a fun project/learning experience with an end goal in mind but I'm having difficulty coming up with a goal and with finding a fun "method". For instance, when I had the goal of buying a house I used the method in the book "Your Money or Your Life" to save the money. If I could find a new interesting "method" I could make do with an arbitrary goal OR if I could come up with an exciting goal than I could make do with some more boring method.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Maybe now you could address the subject of why you feel homeless???
Because my cow is used to running a moderately large household consisting of 4 people and a dog in a big old house. Two of the people are gone and quite soon the house will be too. I'm stuck in the rural town I live in until my D16 graduates next year which means that I'll just be living in some sort of transitory rental with her until then. I intend to move into the Metro area for social and business reasons at that point but I don't like the idea of living by myself so I'm not exactly looking forward to it. I guess what I'm saying is that to me a home is a house or other long-term dwelling place in which I live with other people for whom my cow cares or with whom my cow co-operates in making things homey.
I guess part of what I'm saying is that becoming almost simultaneously divorced and empty-nested makes me feel partially unemployed or retired because although I almost always had some kind of outside or self-employment while I was married, I really did spend a lot of time/energy on being a "homemaker". Also, I guess it goes back to my FOO and the fact that I was the oldest of four girls and we all did homey things together all the time.
Last edited by MJontheMend; 12/18/0711:40 AM.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
That makes sense, truly. It IS difficult (although probably not impossible) to create a feeling of "home" in a place where you live by yourself. I've lived alone A LOT, and while it can be nice to have the place to yourself from time to time, the idea that no one else is living there can be very depressing. (One of the obstacles, I know, to really breaking up with my bf.)
You really do have to (eventually) redefine what home is. Maybe you create a book discussion group that meets at your house/apt monthly, so you can cook big meals for them. Or have an "open house" every Sunday afternoon where everyone you know knows that you'll have a big pot of chili or soup and they can come and go all afternoon.
When my late H and I moved out here to the country, and it turned out that he was depressed... yikes! I had no social life and this home didn't feel much like a home. I formed a couple of groups of people that I still get together with... although not here. Everyone seems to have a mental block about how far it is... My social life is in town, not at home. I am indeed alone when I'm here.
THAT'S one of the reasons that I was trying to get you thinking about INTENTIONAL COMMUNITIES. My experience when I was staying with bf's mom at the retirement community was that here was a place where you could be alone in your cosy apt, or you could have lots of company, have people in for dinner, go places.
When you finally do move to other quarters (and I can see where the transitional state of existence you're in now can be a bit depressing, especially at Christmas), be sure and look for a friendly neighborhood or apartment complex. You're so outgoing that your apartment could easily become a place for the gathering of the clan, if that's what you want.
This is difficult, Mojo, not to make light of it. Your focus has been on making a home for your kids and now that job is fading away.
I understand what you are going through, sister. Perhaps that feeling you are describing is more attributable to 'isolation' than homeless. Humans are herd animals... especially the females. We don't tend to function well in isolation.
I am also 'stuck' in a rural town until my boys graduate from high school. And even though I do a good deal of traveling, I am around people (given their hockey functions, etc.) I still feel isolated. I mean, really, one of the loneliest places to be is in a crowd.
What I continue to hear you say... is that you are lacking intimate connection, physical OR emotional. There are times when the physical connection can superficially satisfy you for a time... but eventually, as with GB (GP? GG? GH?)... your xBF... when you understand that there is no point being with the person other than having a pointless, meaningless yet sexual and perhaps even periodically mentally stimulating encounter or string of encounters (dating for the heck of it), you are left feeling even more unfilled and more isolated than if you had not started the 'dating for the heck of it' experience to begin with...
So your bunny and your monkey get 'hurt' by insincerity and complete lack of genuine trust, your cow's milk supply becomes iffy because there is no farmer in sight, and your lioness... well... she becomes somewhat depressed, for there is seemingly no purpose to her hunting or protecting...
You're so outgoing that your apartment could easily become a place for the gathering of the clan, if that's what you want.
That is the kind of thing I like. One of the big conflicts in my marriage was that my 2bx was so introverted and cranky he actually could make people feel uncomfortable hanging out at our house- even my sisters. My D16 told me that she had sleepovers less often than her friends because she didn't want to annoy him. It's actually kind of miraculous that I do have friends amongst the married folks where I live because it was like pulling teeth to get him to go out and do things with another couple.
Actually, I think it's highly likely that I'll eventually just do the "normal" thing and get married again in order to establish a household.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
That sounds very good, Mojo! I can see you in your new place, surrounded by friends, eating spaghetti, laughing, flirting, dancing, making lots of noise (that would have bugged the cr@p out of your ex)... this sounds FABULOUS!
Actually, these days, there are PLENTY of unattached men and women out there... (most of the men won't be potential romantic partners). In the past, it was couplescouplescouples, such that a man or woman alone was an oddball. That's not the case anymore and people like to hang around with pleasant, like-minded individuals to eat, talk, watch movies, when they don't have a spouse and 2.5 kids at home.
What I continue to hear you say... is that you are lacking intimate connection, physical OR emotional. There are times when the physical connection can superficially satisfy you for a time... but eventually, as with GB (GP? GG? GH?)... your xBF... when you understand that there is no point being with the person other than having a pointless, meaningless yet sexual and perhaps even periodically mentally stimulating encounter or string of encounters (dating for the heck of it), you are left feeling even more unfilled and more isolated than if you had not started the 'dating for the heck of it' experience to begin with...
I agree with you on the isolation thing and the fact that it especially applies to females. The thing about GP was that he was well aware of this fact also. Maybe I haven't done a really good job describing our relationship. The man wore a phone headset constantly and he called me on average about twice a day and talked to me on average about 2 hours every day. He called me from the grocery store. He called me from the shower. He called to see if I made it home okay. He called to see if I was having fun at the party I went to in Chicago without him. However, he was somehow able to do this without projecting as being in any way "needy" so it wasn't a turn-off. Almost all his behavior was assertively adult masculine. It's like he was some sort of master female herder. The best I can describe it is that he psychologically rendered me "barefoot and pregnant" and he was absolutely upfront about the fact that that was basically his intention. For instance, he told me that he bought the phone headset "in case he met a girl like me." So, it's an understatement to say that I didn't feel isolated when I was dating him. Two of his exes are stalking him but they aren't stalking him in an angry "You lying bastard, I'm going to key your car." fashion like BF suggested. They're stalking him because it is so freakin' rare to meet a man who behaves like that these days. GP was a true romantic primitive.
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So your bunny and your monkey get 'hurt' by insincerity and complete lack of genuine trust, your cow's milk supply becomes iffy because there is no farmer in sight, and your lioness... well... she becomes somewhat depressed, for there is seemingly no purpose to her hunting or protecting...
You're spot on in terms of the cow and the lioness but you gotta remember that my bunny and my monkey were actually in far worse shape when I was married. Also, I don't think that the men that I've dated have been any more "insincere" than me. I think that they've all given me pretty much exactly what I've managed to communicate that I want. It's not their fault that I am totally confused about what I want and therefore put out mixed signals and mushy boundaries.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I've lived alone A LOT, and while it can be nice to have the place to yourself from time to time, the idea that no one else is living there can be very depressing. (One of the obstacles, I know, to really breaking up with my bf.)