Don't know what I'm doing anymore - Help.

[ann25]

No.. I read the entire thread.

no, i don't think you did. if you did, you'd know that i begged for sex even while we were fighting. I asked on a regular basis for it. it was only after he said he wanted a divorce that the sex became limited. he chose to sleep in another room and he asked me for the divorce.

When he originally started acusing you of the affair, how long prior to that had you begun refusing him sex or otherwise made yourself emotionally unavailable?

see response above. he started accusing me when D3 was about 1. I was asking on a regular basis for sex. He'd accomidate me about 2 times a week. If i didn't ask, we'd go at least a week or week an a half without any.

You're not justified. Stop telling yourself that.

not that i think i even need to say how wrong you are here, but i will. I can have feelings. I'm allowed to feel hurt and unloved. I am allowed to feel like he mistreated me for over a year. I'm allowed to feel like he thought little of me because of the insults he threw my way. I am allowed to have feelings just like you and everyone else here is.

It's not point, counter-point, tick for tack, that only makes the problem worse. And you seem unbelievable steadfast in your resolve to manipulate your husband into being what you want him to be.

how so? could you show me some examples of this because it is definately not my intention to manipulate anyone.

While he wants sex, and that is in my opinion the number one reason hes distant, eratic and pissed at you, stop trying to manipulate him with it. Figure out *why* you don't want to have sex and focus on that.

not to repeat what i said above, but i have always wanted to have sex with him up until he wanted a divorce. I do at least 2 times a week have sex with him. I don't feel i am manipulating him with it. i feel like i am doing my best to fufil the needs he has had. I don't want to have sex with him because i am not attracted to him. I don't feel a H/W connection with him. I'm doing my best to get that back. As it starts to come back, i will continue to do more for him sexually.