LFL, Brian wrote: "He understood the meaning of his words. The question is, were those the words of a man giving up or just the words of an insensitive idiot lashing out?"
I don't mean to belabor this, but I truly don't believe your "inability to forgive" is just coming from you. I think he deliberately wanted to hurt you with these words, and that means there is unfinished business re The Departure. Yeah, he has apologized, etc., but have those apologies really reached your heart?
I think you may be projecting here Lil. I don't see it. I don't think he wants to hurt me anymore. He knows that our M is on the line and I truly believe he wants to make it right. He just doesn't really know how and maybe still in not comfortable enough with himself to really try harder. I don't think it comes from any place of malice or vindictiveness. I do think he can be naive at times but that goes back to my thread above. I don't think I should expect him to rescue me from my bad behaviors. I'm a big girl. I need to figure this sh#t out on my owm. That includes whether I can truly forgive him or not.
I have a bouquet full of ideas on boundaries and tending fences and forgiveness which I may or may not get to on Monday.
I'm more than willing to listen SG.
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But first, threadjack alert: ...shoutout to blackfoot ...the "traditional wedding vows" of which denomination say "cherish and protect" for the groom and "respect and honor" for the bride? The scholar in me (or the cat, take your pick) must know, and I am simply clueless. With link, if possible. Thank you.
I don't even remember what we had in our wedding. I wasn't really listening that hard anyways. Seemed just like a ritual/formality we needed to go through to get to the M. Of course this may be part of the problem. Oh well...
LFL, H and I didn't pay attention to the words, we just parroted back what was said to us...I was a nervous bunny and he was a nervous,hmmm, MJ didn't cover this one, squirrel?. We were 24 and 25 but immature for our age in that way, you know? I do know that H stumbled over the word " consecrate" which made everyone laugh. I just looked it up and it means " sacred", how about that? ( which, if you twist a bit, is just, scared, so we're back to where we started from).
My 2bx and I were 23 and 24 and both the female Unitarian minister and I were preggo. I think my 2bx was drunk within a half hour of the end of the ceremony.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
About ... counts on fingers ... five years older than you were.
The gain in maturity! The accumulated wisdom!
Kidding aside, I think the 20s are a great time of change. I haven't changed as much since I hit 30, so, based on my own personal experience, I'm in favor of marrying later.
Your opinions may vary.
Edit to add: we lived together before marriage though, another good thing in my book. Again, opinions may vary.
we lived together before marriage though, another good thing in my book. Again, opinions may vary.
Oh, well if you include living together than we were 22 and 23. Practically babies. I agree, marrying later in life seems like a good idea. Darn that biological/reproductive nature of ours.
Seemed just like a ritual/formality we needed to go through to get to the M. Of course this may be part of the problem. Oh well...