I disagree, LFL. What would cause an A between two married people to stop? Think of it as bodies moving through space without resistance ... they'll only change direction if hit by an outside force.
An A between a married person and a single OP may change - by having the married person leave when the SOP is pushing for change, or the married person may realize he/she actually wants to remain married and the stress of the A through SOP's pushing becomes too great, so the married person ends it (or the SOP realizes it won't go anywhere and ends it. You get what I mean.)
But an A between two married people, who are both happy as cake-eaters? Can go on for decades.
I actually agree with you that exposing to all and sundry is a bad idea long-term, because I'm a private person and I'd have a hard time with having my personal life exposed in any way, shape or form to parents, friends, work colleagues etc, not just about an A. I doubt I could forgive my spouse for doing so, and I doubt my marriage could recover. I know NOP wouldn't agree but that's my personal conviction anyways.
But OM has to know that you know the score, and OM's wife has to, because they are directly concerned, all the more so if OM was a friend. OM's wife deserves to know so she can make an informed decision about her future, and to up the pressure on the OM-body-moving-through-space-without-resistance.
I can understand telling the OM and the wife of OM, but I don't really get the point of exposing to people like parents, co-workers, etc, at least not in the case of attempting to mend the M. Sounds like we can agree there. I would view that as a personal marital issue and exposing to others outside that circle would just appear vindictive. You are right about two M people liking the A arrangement "as is", it could go on a long time. So I can agree with the betrayed spouse attempting to put a stop to their secrecy. But does that fix the problem? Heck no. All I'm saying is that the betrayed spouse needs to be prepared and probably expect the cheating spouse to rebel against this exposure and maybe leave. I just wouldn't "go there" unless you are ready for those consequences.
