This is a double edged sword. Exposing the A to all will definitely help maintain your pride and "one up" status but I don't see the results being as positive for the M. Most M do not make it through this exposure and any woman with pride of her own is not going to just role over and say "ya got me, let's work to make this M better than ever". Ideally, yes, realistically, no way. In fact, she may say that at the beginning ( I think that happened in Choc's case), but a long term solution? I just don't know. I think that's why MWD's Divorce Busting approach is so different. The goal is maintenance of the M over exposing the A probably because A's tend to run their course anyways, why lay down a law that you can never maintain yourself anyways. You cannot make people do anything they don't want to do. If she wants to have the A she will. If she wants to work on the M, she will. All you can do is be as loving and attractive to her as possible. The irony is that you "laying down the law" can be very attractive to her in the beginning but she will probably rebel down the road and resent the very thing that got you back together. I wish I had some magical advice but there is no one right way to do this. You know your W better than anyone. Will she resent you down the line if you expose her? Just something to think about. Sorry for the pain you are going through.
LFL
I disagree, LFL. What would cause an A between two married people to stop? Think of it as bodies moving through space without resistance ... they'll only change direction if hit by an outside force.
An A between a married person and a single OP may change - by having the married person leave when the SOP is pushing for change, or the married person may realize he/she actually wants to remain married and the stress of the A through SOP's pushing becomes too great, so the married person ends it (or the SOP realizes it won't go anywhere and ends it. You get what I mean.)
But an A between two married people, who are both happy as cake-eaters? Can go on for decades.
I actually agree with you that exposing to all and sundry is a bad idea long-term, because I'm a private person and I'd have a hard time with having my personal life exposed in any way, shape or form to parents, friends, work colleagues etc, not just about an A. I doubt I could forgive my spouse for doing so, and I doubt my marriage could recover. I know NOP wouldn't agree but that's my personal conviction anyways.
But OM has to know that you know the score, and OM's wife has to, because they are directly concerned, all the more so if OM was a friend. OM's wife deserves to know so she can make an informed decision about her future, and to up the pressure on the OM-body-moving-through-space-without-resistance.
To sum it up, bombardier, I think you're doing really well. Hang in there.
