Sort of an interesting weekend. I could tell me being away without her knowing where I was really bothered her and drummed up some feelings in her for me. I could tell by when she said 'Of course I love you', and 'you didnt tell me where you were' comments a few times...
Friday night I went out with a buddy, she stayed home. Her carousing seems to have slowed way down. Dont know why this is. Wondering if she's trying to be responsible again as she's working with a lawyer and wants to be designated as the primary parent. Wonder if thats the advice she was given, to slow down a bit...
I guess if you look back through my thread I have a history of doing this. I slid into my wifes bed late at night. She immediately rolled over, put her arms around me, and started kissing me. I was shocked to say the least but I guess this is what I was hoping for by sliding in there. But, a couple minutes into this she rolled back over and didnt want me touching her anymore. Bummer.
In the morning she said she didnt want me coming into her room anymore and she'd let me know when she was ready to be intimate. I have heard this comment a few times 'I'll let you know when I'm ready', or 'Not right now'...Is that a positive look into the future? I replied to her saying she's the one that started the kissing, she kissed me back. She said she was freightened and asleep. No chance of that. There was a lot of emotion there. Seems like thats what she wanted to do but needed to stick to her 'plan'.
I told her I am still very much in love with her and am interested in working on us. But, it seems you have no interest and have this EA working. Thus, I think you should plan on leaving asap. She said she has seen a lawyer and is planning on doing this after xmas. My problem is she's persuing a legal separation and would like to buy a house. This could take awhile and our current situation at home where she's cold to me and has no interest is very difficult. The buying a house idea seems like a permanant idea. I hate that. If that happens, I think were doomed.
While we were talking, i brought up the wedding ring thing again. I noticed since Friday that she hadnt been wearing her rings. So I asked her if she was done wearing them. She said no, she had just put lotion on her hands.
Saturday...went to sons basketball game. She wouldnt sit with me nor really even acknowledge me. No rings on. Met her at home. I got dressed up in a new shirt, etc. to go to an xmas party. She stayed home with the kids again. Didnt mention one thing about my shirt or ask where I was going. Just a 'have fun'. She seemed down when I left. She has usually been the one leaving me at home with the kids. Dont know why she seemed down. My son told me they all went to bed pretty early.
On Sunday, we were scheduled to go to her sisters house to celebrate Xmas with all her kids and parents. Her parents leave for the holidays so they usually do it early. I noticed no rings again in the morning, so I asked her 'are you all finished wearing your rings'...She answered, 'Yes, most likely, thats what separated people do'. I told her I dont think I'm going to go with you over with your parents. She came into my office a bit later and asked what I was going to do. Told her I was thinking about it and upset about the ring thing. Said I am committed to our marriage and that we are still married, we are not done, we are just going through a tough time right now. She said she would really like me to come. So...I did go.
Sunday and this morning to me she seems to be very distant and cold again. If I'm measuring what works for me, somehow the being away for a few days had an effect. But I dont want to do that again. Whats conflicting to me is I'd like to be very nice to her, and be present with her all the time around the house. That way when she does leave, she may miss that. She may miss me being around and being reliable for her. On the other hand, sort of wondering do I pull way back and be very quiet?
I know I'm going to get scorched on my DB'ing....Im just not that good at this. Our sitch is really tearing a hole in my stomach. I just dont get my WAW. Seems theres always a different reason or something else that bothers her about me. It seems we get along very well. I can see the emotion in her eyes for me. I can tell she's confused by what happened last week and over the weekend. If she's confused, how can she make a decision like this?
