Patrick you received a wonderful answer from RCR. Now it is up to you, and what you want. Is your marriage, and all it represents, worth standing for - if not, let it go. No-one will condemn you for that, and you may save yourself a world of misery.
If you feel you want to stand you are taking a tough decision with no certain outcome. RCR has spelled out why people do it, but you don't have to. It is up to you. I thought I couldn't forgive my h, but now I know I can. It is funny how we both uplift and degrade sex in our society: we make it too important and not important enough. . . . It is an important ingredient in marriage, and I value fidelity, but it isn't the be all and end of marriage, or any relationship. That to me, is immature and MLC thinking.
Celibacy is tough, but not impossible - although modern society seems to suggest that it is!
And no it isn't fair - as someone said - if life was fair we would all spend much of our lives in third world countries
